Kau tak nak try ke?

T: Kau tak nak try mamat tu ke? Aku bawak kau lepak dengan dia nanti. Confirm kau suka.

Aku: Entah lah, babe. Aku tak pernah cakap pun dengan mamat tu. Plus, bagi aku mamat tu menakutkan. Ya lah. Orang kata dia baik tapi demeanour dia yang scary tu menyebabkan aku batalkan niat aku untuk bagi salam pun kat mamat tu.

T: Engkau ni. Sejak putus cinta ni, semua tak nak. Kata dah over dah!

Aku: Memang lah aku dengan Y dah over. Aku pun dah terima kenyataan dah yang aku dan Y mungkin tak akan reconnect sama cam aku dengan M. 

T: Kau ni baru putus dengan dua orang pun dah give up. Takkan lah trauma sangat! Ke ada something else?

Ya. Mungkin ada something else. Something yang aku sembunyikan selama ini. It could have been him but I choose not to. Tak dinafikan S memang handsome and ramai kata dia baik. Ramai memang nak kat dia tapi bukan aku. Bukan sebab S ni not my type. No, that's not it. Kalau boleh DAN dia sudi, nak je. Come on lah! Bayangkan umur kau 14 tahun and ramai orang cakap yang kau ni hodoh macam babi and this guy sorang je yang rasa kau lawa DAN dia syok kat kau, dah lah hot pulak tu! Kau rasa? Aku on je sebab bila orang cakap aku hodoh, boleh je aku sound balik, "Aku kisah apa kau cakap? Boyfriend aku hot dowh! And dia pun cakap aku hot!"

Which is memang best lah kalau betul-betul berlaku? Hakikatnya, kau nak tegur dia pun takut. Mentang-mentang lah mata dia tajam ala guillotine yang pancung orang. Honestly, aku takde mood nak kena pancung. Orang lain pasang life goals, aku pun ada siap ada death goals lagi. Ya, ramai ada death goals tapi aku saja nak cakap yang aku pun ada (gitu!). And, death goals aku adalah untuk mati macam anime, dalam keadaan one piece (geddit?) & in peace. 

Also, another hakikat: dia tu ada girlfriend so takkan lah dia senang-senang nak lepaskan girlfriend dia. Okay, aku tau ke dia tu actually ada girlfriend? Actually, no. But come on, muka camtu takkan takde. Unless parents dia jenis cam parents aku, no dates until university graduation. Even if mamat tu at that time, single mingle makan pringle cam aku, do you think he fancies me? Aku tak tau AND aku malas nak ambik tau sebab time tu memang tak boleh ada romantic relationship so bila orang tu suka balik kat kau, memang problem lah.

And even if dia suka aku pun, it's going to be awkward. Adik dia batchmate aku and kawan-kawan aku ramai kawan dengan dia sooo.... faham-faham je lah. Aku dan adik dia, Q bukannya rapat mana. Setakat jadi classmates time form 1 je. And the only interaction we had was just saying hi to each other, itu pun ada incident dengan S yang membuat aku tak rapat dengan Q. Not gonna lie, what S did was to protect Q. Q is a nice guy. Annoying but a nice guy. Rupa pun boleh tahan tapi tak boleh kalah dengan S lah. However, ikut sexuality and cara aku bercinta, most likely aku pilih Q berbanding S.

Context: Aku dan adik aku tengah berjogging (read: berjalan) kat park dekat rumah aku. Sambil-sambil tu ada dua orang mamat yang aku tak kenal ni pandang aku semacam. Aku takut so aku cepatkan lah pace aku sampai aku terserempak dengan S dan Q. Niat nak menegur Q tapi S caught my eyes and I found him scary. Cara dia pandang pun menunjukkan yang dia ni tak trust aku around Q soooo... okay, aku minta diri dulu. Tak ambik hati pun. Aku faham that he's just doing his job as a brother so sebagai seorang kakak, ada unsur kindred spirit di situ. Jadi abang atau kakak kena ada at least a Resting Murder Face (RMF) ya kawan-kawan. Bukan apa, time tu adik aku kena buli dengan peers dia and aku sebagai kakak cam gagal to protect him sebab bullies dia dah lah besar, pandai pukul pulak tu. Entitled gila tahap gampang tu tak payah cerita lah. Pernah aku defend adik aku sikit, terus kena marah. Like excuse me? Ni adik siapa? Aku ke kau? Kau entitled sangat nak buli adik aku pehal? Takut kena jadi baja untuk pokok Vicenzo ke kalau kau tak buli adik aku?

And also, nak dijadikan cerita: time tu aku minat gila kat si R. Dia takdelah handsome mana compared to S tapi aku faham lah why girls semua minat gila kat mamat ni. Comel, tinggi, kurus and a very peaceful aura and demeanour. So now you alls tau kan kenapa aku pilih untuk crush on R berbanding S? (Nak minat orang pun boleh pilih? Memang pragma style sangat ya Diyana Munira ni.) 

BIG. MISTAKE.

Aku confessed kat si R ni. Dia pergi bagitau SATU batch, as in the WHOLE FREAKING BATCH!!!!!!! 

AKU CONFESS, PANDAI-PANDAI LAH KAU SIMPAN, BODOH! BAGITAU SATU BATCH YANG MANA SEMUA ORANG LAGI GOOD LOOKING DARI KAU TU BUAT APA?

Another fun fact: S satu batch dengan R okay! Satu platoon dalam scouts also which Q pun ada. 

Kau rasa muka aku nak letak kat mana? Actually aku tebalkan je muka aku. Hadap je lah. Aku rasa pun aku ada contribute sedikit dalam incident tersebut. Ya lah, aku dengan excitednya bagitau my friends yang aku confess which is new at that time sebab aku ni jenis minat dalam diam lepas tu pergi mereput kat tepi katil bila crush couple dengan orang lain. So dengan aku confess ni kira achievement unlocked lah. Also, kawan-kawan dia tu kacau dia, bukan aku. I mean, they tried tapi either aku confused atau aku tengah sibuk cuci mata tengok budak-budak scouts yang lain (cheh!). Diyana had a thick skin after all tapi not gonna lie, second-hand embarassment tu ada. Tapi okay lah S ni tak join in dalam kacau-mengacau aku ataupun si R. Dia hanya pandang aku dari jauh dengan RMF atau dengan muka yang paling judgmental yang aku pernah tengok. Either way, aku okay je sebab aku ada masalah lain so aku rasa dia tak payah menyibuk.

Not gonna lie lah, kalau boleh communicate dengan S telepathically tu mungkin akan jadi camni:

Aku: YANG KAU NI ASYIK NAK PANDANG AKU CAMTU PEHAL? BERSYUKUR LAH AKU MINAT KAT R BUKAN KAT KAU! KALAU KAU NANTI SATU HAL LAH PULAK!

S: MASALAHNYA, ADIK AKU LAGI HANDSOME KOT! KALAU TAK NAK, COUSINS AKU PUN BOLEH! TAPI MAMAT TU JUGAK KAU PILIH! MANA AKU TAK JUDGE KAU, YOU TELL ME!!!!!!!!!

Ni author's imagination lah. Conversation might be different soooo.... whatever lah. Benda dah lepas. Aku dan R are on friendly terms. Mamat tu dah kawin and ada anak so boleh tutup buku lah. However, had to admit that 2002-2003 adalah time yang mana it contributes to the bulk of my character development. Nak kata darkest moment of my life, takde lah jugak sebab I was doing academically well. But then again, time tu lah aku berkawan rapat dengan W dan W ni tipu aku yang R ni suka kat aku balik (walaupun gut feelings aku kata otherwise). And, W lah penyumbang utama kenapa I decided to sign up for therapy session. Nampaknya, impact W runs deep. But that's another story. Sooo, kalau kau budak 88-liner and 86-liner yang nak aku spill tea, roger2 lah ya. Kita pergi mengopi. 

Back to the story, B suggest aku lepak dengan dia and S. Tengok character dia camana. Boleh je. Dia bawak Q pun aku happy. Lama aku tak jumpa mamat tu. Mana lah tau mungkin aku dan S boleh jadi best friends walaupun cukup lah F dari law school tu jadi best friend aku. Aku punya experience dengan W ni buat aku rasa serik cari best friends. Heck even most of my friends memang at arm's length. Compared to putus cinta, betrayal hits the worst. So yeah. Mungkin sebab walaupun aku open nak berkenalan secara platonic dengan S & reconnect dengan Q, aku rasa cam dreading. Sebab? Nanti bila dah rapat sangat, aku rasa overwhelmed. 

Memang aku takut kat S sampai aku dan Q tak bertegur sapa. Nak kata S main contributor, bukan. Cuma aku rasa sebab circle of friends kita lain dan kemungkinan besar aku tak suka kawan-kawan dia walaupun pada hakikatnya selepas C (kawan satu sekolah dan juga satu law school) & A (satu gang dengan Q) couple, aku rasa happy. Even aku happy gila tengok A datang ke our graduation. I honestly think A ni boyfriend yang baik (now dah jadi suami dan ayah dah). Mungkin sebab bias aku sendiri dan juga pengaruh W yang menyebabkan aku turut tak bertegur dengan diorang.

Tapi aku sedar yang ultimate reason kenapa aku takut sangat kat S ni mungkin actually aku bukan takut kat mamat tu pun. Aku malu. Malu pasal the R incident. Yes, what was 14-year-old Diyana thinking? So faham-faham lah air muka aku time tu camana. R hebohkan confession aku kat semua kawan-kawan dia, termasuk S. So yeah. Mungkin aku selesa S dan aku tak bertegur langsung dan hanya acknowledge existence dari jauh adalah pasal tu. Apa-apa je lah. The fact that aku tergerak untuk send request kat si Q tu mungkin petanda Illahi bahawa I may have gotten it wrong with the brothers. This means segala bias, judgments dan tanggapan terhadap mereka dan juga tanggapan aku terhadap A dan rakan-rakannya mungkin salah. Ya lah. Selepas SPM baru kau tau orang yang selalu kacau kau, iaitu T rupanya baik gila nak mampus. Hmmm... mungkin betul kata Y. By this time, most of us dah matured dah so mana yang still kecam aku pasal the R incident tu memang betul-betul tak matang lah. Insya Allah. Aku berharap begitu lah, sis. 

#1: Ya, memang aku lagi percaya kat Y aka ex-boyfriend aku daripada W yang konon best friend aku yang kenal dah lama. Kalau kau dalam position aku, mungkin kau akan faham why i trust my ex more than my so-called best friend (now ex-best friend lah).

#2 Kepada yang ada niat nak cakap, "Lah! Kau ni nak reconnect belum tentu diorang nak." Well, it happens. Once aku dah get the ball rolling, it ain't my problem anymore. So if diorang tak nak, okay je. 

B adalah aku

Sebagai seorang rakyat Malaysia yang samada belajar atau bekerja di luar negara, patut ke kita rasa tersinggung dan terkilan bila orang asing tanya kita:

1. Is it true that Malaysians have a feast (eat heavy stuff like rice, noodles, roti canai and condiments, etc) for breakfast? and
2. Is it also true that we eat curries for breakfast?

Basically, it is offensive? If you don't think it's offensive, should you be offended? If you don't think it's offensive and you think you shouldn't be, should other people be offended? Pendek kata A tanya B soalan, C terasa.

A: British-Indian

B: Malaysian-Malay

C: American-Indian

D: British-Indian

Honestly, bila ada orang tanya soalan ni, it feels weird to me. Sebab si penanya tu mempunyai adat dan budaya yang serupa dengan kebanyakan penduduk negara Malaysia. Basically, yang tanya tu British-Indian and since him being a British Indian, shouldn't he like, can relate and tak patut terkejut? 

Tapi itu bukan isunya. Isu yang ditekankan adalah A tanya B soalan berkaitan dengan negara, adat dan budaya B, B rasa okay je tapi C (yang sebangsa dengan A tapi bukan senegara dengan A dan langsung bukan senegara dan sebangsa dengan B) yang mendengar tu rasa tersinggung dan berpendapat A sengaja mahu memalukan B. Ingin dimaklumkan bahawa B dan C adalah kawan baik. A merupakan kawan baik kepada kawan B iaitu D. Ingin juga dimaklumkan C tidak pernah mengenali A dan B cuma sekadar mahu bercerita kepada C.

Cerita dia camni:

I was attending D's birthday party two weeks ago and met A. So when A found out I'm from Malaysia, asked me those two questions. So yeah. I was weirded out at first since A is a British Indian and like, fam don't you guys do those too? He told me that he had a friend from Malaysia who told him that. Dalam hati, mungkin family dia tak amalkan. So, aku terangkan lah secara slow talk yang secara amnya, memang betul tapi bukan semua yang buat. Bergantung kepada keluarga masing-masing. Ada yang breakfast makan nasi lemak, nasi goreng, nasi dagang, roti canai, bubur nasi dan juga mi (noodles). Ada yang prefer Western-style macam telur, roti, cereal, susu, buah dan lain-lain. A, being an Indian felt it was something cool to eat what he had for dinner as breakfast. I told him to give it a try. Dia pun tanya pasal nasi lemak. So, jawab lah nasi lemak ni macam bboy moves, dia banyak variation tapi asas dia ialah nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, telur rebus dan sambal. Boleh tambah ikan bilis goreng, ayam goreng, sambal ikan bilis, sambal sotong, kacang, rendang ayam, rendang daging dan juga kari. Tapi asas still nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, sambal dan telur rebus. For me, selain dari rasa pelik, aku tak terasa pun bila dia tanya sebab dari intonasi dan gerak badan A, dia memang sahaja bertanya kerana mungkin kawan dia tu tipu dia (logik sebab bila orang tu rasa soalan tu racist, rasa macam nak menipu je) dan mungkin dia juga betul-betul ingin tahu memandangkan me, in country called Malaysia born and raised.

Maybe it's different if A tu tanya dengan nada menyindir and lepas aku jawab, dia ketawakan aku and said that my culture is backwards. But that's not the situation, A was between speechless dan "kenapa aku tak try awal-awal dowh!" Basically, reaction dia is what you can expect tourists who come to Malaysia for the first time and culture shock, in a positive way. Come on lah, aku pun tertanya-tanya jugak betul ke apa yang diportray kat media tu sama dengan reality. For example, is it true that all Brits are polite and drink tea all day? Answer, not necessarily. They are just like us, ada yang polite and ada yang tak seberapa. Walaupun majority suka minum teh tapi ada yang prefer kopi, hot chocolate atau juice.

What happened is this: Time breakfast tengah sedap-sedap makan bubur berlauk 3 hari berturut. Hari ni baru perasan, "Wow, I DID have a feast for breakfast! Looool!!!!!" And kadang-kadang aku pun suka panaskan kari semalam untuk breakfast and cicah dengan roti. Sedap, okay! So ingat nak call member iaitu C just to tell a joke, as in my sudden moment of realisation that I just had a super nice delicious feast for breakfast. Knowing me, aku bercerita confirm ada muqadimah. So cerita lah dulu pasal A. Aku rasa C tersinggung dan terasa. Dia juga menasihati aku supaya berhati-hati dengan orang dan berpendapat A adalah bodoh dan ignorant. Dia juga menasihati aku that people are going to bring me down (am I surprised that it's gonna happen? No. For the record, I give that advice to myself in my sleep) with their stupidity and I need to rise above it. It's a good advice tapi tak sesuai. Sebab kau bukan kat sana so kau tak dengar dan kau tak nampak. Kau tak kenal dia. Just because bagi kau, aku ni sweet dan innocent, kau ingat aku defenseless. I know okay. I know. Aku tau bila orang tu being offensive ke tak. Cuma tolong bagi aku buat decision aku sendiri on how aku nak react. Aku boleh je nak tampar muka mamat tu. Aku boleh je marah actually. But I choose not to.

But then again, mungkin salah aku sebab mula dengan muqadimah. Patut terjah je dengan lawak (hambar) aku tu. Tapi takut mereka nggak bisa faham, dong. Even kau nak doa kat Tuhan pun, bukan kau terjah je. Mestilah baca bismillah dulu. Tapi maybe salah aku lah yang aku tak dapat bagitau joke aku. Sebab start dengan muqadimah. Aku tak tau if the question was posed to an immigrant instead of a local, it would be super offended. But there's a fine line between what's offensive and what's not offensive, no? There is. But here's the thing, don't I have the right to choose how to react (when it only concerns me)? Do I have the right to choose if it's offensive or not (when it only concerns me)? She means well but I feel like dia secara tak sengaja termissed the point. Aku tak sure. Mungkin aku salah. Mungkin I should be offended with the question sama macam aku offended gila babi bila D bagitau aku yang bus driver tanya dia "Those aren't bombs right?" bila dia tolong aku pindah barang. In all honesty, D patut jawab dalam kotak tu ada belacan sebab a) sebab dalam kotak tu memang ada belacan b) mengangkat kotak berisi belacan (walaupun belacan tu tinggal sikit) adalah dope. Tapi D tak tau belacan tu apa, kita lupakan dulu. 

Sebenarnya, aku rasa C tu cepat sangat nak melatah. Sebab aku okay je dengan soalan A tapi dia touching melebih. Kau pehal? Steady lah, jane. Macam kawan kau tu. Dia flamboyant gila sampai orang ingat dia nak pergi fashion show. Style dia pelik. Memang pelik. Kadang-kadang tak kena gaya. Bagi kau, orang yang "puji" pakaian dia tu sebenarnya menyindir dia dan kau kesian pasal kawan kau tu terima bulat-bulat "pujian" tersebut. Okay, kawan kau mungkin naive tapi dia tak bodoh. Mungkin dia tau tapi malas nak layan so dia macam "takpelah john. Aku anggap kau puji je." Why would he crack his head over a bunch of random strangers commenting about his fashion sense? Plus, kawan kau banyak benda nak fikir. Takkan benda kecik macam ni pun nak kena fikir jugak? Kalau dia kena catcall tu lain. Yang tu memang kena take action. Berdasarkan perspektif seorang stranger, aku tak ada masa nak menyindir a random stranger unless either I get paid or it's my hobby or I'm just a pathetic loser who doesn't know how to dress up. Which he might think the person who "complimented" his outfit falls under category 3 cause he thinks he's awesome. Memang dia awesome pun walaupun aku rasa di annoying gila nak mampus. And since we're in London, mungkin orang tu mabuk so daripada kawan kau tu offended tiba-tiba dia kesian. Just because orang tu nampak naive, innocent, young and sweet tak bermakna dalaman dia macam tu and tak semestinya 24/7 dia macam tu. Dia ada masa sweet, ada masa dia menaga. And orang-orang macam tu, jangan buat dia menaga. Habis kau nanti.

Kenapa aku tak bersuara? Aku bersuara pun. Aku cakap A tidak bermaksud apa-apa yang offensive. A cuma ingin tahu. Tapi dia went on cakap orang bodoh akan jatuhkan aku dengan kebodohan diorang. Eh, girl! Dia tu bodoh tu dia punya pasal, bukan masalah aku bukan masalah kau. Kau boleh tak focus yang kawan kau ni jenis tak ambil pusing apa orang nak kata? Kadang-kadang aku rasa baik untuk tidak bersuara. First, C tu lagi berumur dan lebih berpengalaman dari aku so confirm opinions aku akan dibangkang sebab aku muda lagi dan belum mengenal dunia sebenar. Second, aku bersuara pun dia akan anggap aku degil so baik diam je. Third, aku bagi savage remarks pun kau akan ketawa dan anggap aku punya remarks adalah comel. So yeah. Aku kena menghormati C yang lagi tua dan lagi berpengalaman dan aku patut terima semua pendapat dia. Dia touching melebih so aku kena touching melebih jugak. Walaupun aku rasa certain things are not offensive, aku kena anggap benda tu offensive. Why? Older and wiser people are always right. Orang muda tak akan pernah tahu apa-apa.

Respect

People say respect must be earned. It's true.
People say that the younger generations must respect the older generation, that is true as well.

However respect is a two-way thing. I don't believe the crap that the elders must be respected and the youngs must be loved. No, bitch! That ain't how I jive. Both generations must love and respect each other. How do you expect the younger generation to respect the elders when the elders fail to show respect to the youngs as well?

Yes, the young ones must show respect first but the elders must show it later as well.
Stop treating the young ones like kids cause they will never grow up if you do.

But that's not really what I want to talk about. I want to talk about respecting one's opinions and choices.

Respect the opinions of the person even though you don't agree with them.
As long as their opinions do not condone any violence or insult anything or disrupt peace on earth, just let it slide.
You can choose not to believe in peaceful rally or demonstration but respect the ones who believe in it.
If you disagree, do it in an academic way, ie: give reasons on why you don't think the way they do.
Don't go around making personal attacks on them. That's just juvenile.

Respect the boundaries that people set for themselves.
Allow them to stand their grounds when it matters to them.
If a girl refused to go out with you for certain reasons, listen to her explanation.
Don't just beg her until she relents.

Respect the person's choices as long as they're not detrimental.
If they choose to seek professional help, don't talk them out of it.
They might sense something might be wrong in them.
If they choose to wear a colour that they're comfortable with, let them.
You're not shoes. Why the hell should you run their life?

Respect the person's words and listen to them fully.
Don't just jump into conclusions without the full details.
Respect the reasons behind their words.
Respect the tears that they shed and the laugh that they burst.

Respect every yes you get. Respect every no and maybe you get as well.
Don't go on begging and begging until you lose it all.

Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan adab jika kamu sendiri biadap
Usah mengadu gadis hilang kehormatan jika kamu sendiri tidak hormati mereka
Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan harga diri jika kamu sendiri yang merendahkan mereka
Usah mengadu gadis asyik termakan pujuk rayu lelaki jika kamu sendiri yang memujuk rayu
Usah mengadu yang si tua tidak peduli jika kamu sendiri tidak pedulikan mereka
Usah mengadu dia melawan jika kamu sendiri yang menggari tangannya
Usah mengadu mereka tidak pandai jika kamu sendiri mengajar benda yang salah
Usah mengadu bila mereka diam jika kamu sendiri yang kunci mulut mereka
Usah mengadu orang lain tidak ada agama jika kamu sendiri tidak berperikemanusiaan

Dalam erti kata lain mengata dulang paku serpih, mengata orang dia yang lebih
Dalam erti kata lain usah gelar cerek itu hitam jika kamu sendiri adalah kuali dan arang
Dalam erti kata lain cermin diri dahulu sebelum menghakimi orang lain
Dalam erti kata lain benarkan mereka hidup dengan kehidupan mereka dan pilihan mereka.

Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer part 3 (trendsetter edition)

Yoyoyo fellas! It's been awhile since I update this space. Now it's time for 'Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer' series. Part 1 was for the general stuff. Part 2 was for the special Bridezilla edition. Now Part 3 is for the trendsetter edition.

:: This is the part where we throw colorful confettis and play party horns ::

I was blogwalking one day browsing through Facebook and stumbled upon my friend's blog post that he shared on Facebook. His name is Rizal Yaakub and y'all can view his entry here. I really find his post interesting that I'm inspired to write a response post to it. I ain't gonna critic his post. Since he's talking about wedding trends, I figure that some trends are so cliche and why don't I make my own trend. Cool huh?

1. Bachelorette party
   The key focus of this party is to celebrate freedom (and loss of it). It must consist of the things that the bride-to-be likes. In my case, my party gotta have chocolates, laughter, music, dance and me getting a henna tattoo of a dragon at the back of my lower waist. In fact, everybody's getting a henna tattoo. And it gotta be private as in a small group of 6 to 7 girls getting together and enjoy ourselves as you know single people. And, Adrien Brody movie marathon. And it gotta be in a private place where there's lots of privacy. And at the same time, cheap. Kartika Sari party at my house yo!

2. Post-wedding photoshoots
   I'm going to borrow someone's DSLR and a super high mega pixel camera phone and let them shoot away. I just have to feed them good food and butt kiss them now and then. PS: Butt kiss means boost their ego by complimenting excessively. Okay. Maybe I'll have to pay for the paper and the printer (and the ink). Dude, I'm slightly old-fashioned.

3. Anniversary dinners
   It has to be done at home where there's only two of us cause I need an excuse to wear LBD/LWD/L-insertanycolour-D. Cause I wear hijab already, I ain't gonna wear short dresses in public. Ain't nobody got balls for that!

4. Engagement ceremony/get-together
   This involves me wire-tapping my dad and/or male relatives so that I can hear how they negotiate me cause I'm an interested party. I also can act as an observer to observe the setting. This will only be a low key setting whereby only immediate family members from both sides are to attend. No dulang hantarans yet cause it ain't official yet. It's GST season. Save your money!

5. Wedding discussion meeting
   Military style background music are to be played at all times. Hey, have you been to a wedding? It sometimes feels like you're in an imaginary unrealistic battlefield cause you're too scared/unsuitable for the real thing. I blame my anxiety.

That's all I guess. I'll put more later if I have the chance.

Cheers.

Relationship tips from a single person

People keep saying to never take relationship advice from someone who is single cause what do they know about relationships right? Well, as a single person I can tell you guys that we singles see some screw-ups in your relationships and you guys actually come to us complaining about your relationship problems. Sometimes you guys fight over the simplest of things but we try to understand lah. Here are some tips for you people in a relationship that I think would be useful.


1. Love is all about teamwork.

Love and relationships are never games. But somehow I see people treat it like so which screws the relationship. Chasing is a thrill but once you guys get together, it's no longer cat and mouse chase anymore. It's all about teamwork. Work together with your partner to make the relationship work. Treat it like you would if it's a business entity. Relationship is a partnership after all. I mean, a relationship cannot work if both parties or one party do not take it seriously and refuse to cooperate right?


2. Be proactive

Girls, don't expect guys to make the first move all the time. Guys, don't be so lazy after asking her out for a first date. If you guys want to get together, plan it. It doesn't really matter who instigate it, what matters is that plans are made. Don't complain that the other party doesn't put in an effort to get together. If you want it, ask.


3. Get your partner's free dates

If you guys work in a legal environment, especially litigation you guys know what I mean. I noticed that this thing is taken really lightly but asking for your partner's free dates in advance is important so that you guys can actually plan to spend time together. Cause seriously, constantly postponing a get-together is really irritating. People don't really mind if you guys have to postpone for some emergency, but constantly postponing it? Seriously? Better not go out at all.


4. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Some of you guys really lack communications. Communication is very important in letting your partner know what you need, what you want and stuff. People are not mind readers so if you want something, ask for it. If you feel dissatisfied or happy, voice it out. Talk it out lah. Be professional about it. Don't shout or accuse each other. Start with things like "I feel that..." so at least the other party can explain themselves without getting too defensive. Make sure you guys understand each other to avoid any misunderstandings. Cause based on my observation, it's one of the reasons relationships screw up.


5. Don't set unrealistic expectations

We girls are guilty of this, me included. I do expect my texts to be returned on time and I get agitated when my calls are unanswered and rejected and when texts don't get replied on time. I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do have friends who took months to reply and the one who never replies yet accuses me of never keeping in touch. I don't really expect texts to be returned there and then but hey, anytime you guys are online would be fine. And I'm talking about friends of the same gender.

What I'm trying to say is that please do not expect a lot from your partner. Some of us actually need coaxing and reminders. Hate to break it to you guys about this but sometimes we have to act like a secretary. You know what, don't expect at all.


6. I don't care if you're my best friend in the whole wide world but if you cheat on your partner, I'm on their side.

I may not like your partner but if you cheat on them, I'm always on their side. I don't care what are your reasons for cheating, I will still think that you're an asshole. No offence lah. When you cheat, it doesn't only affect your partner, it affects everybody in your circle whether you notice it or not. I know this one couple (they were) who both of them are my friends and I'm closer to the dude. When I found out that he cheated on his (ex) girlfriend, I chose to side with her. Not because she's a girl or that she's younger than me. It's just I saw how her hurt she was and how it devastated her. It just makes me so angry that I fear that this thing will happen to me in the future. It gives me a twisted opinion about love and relationship altogether. Besides, scoffing at the word 'love' and 'relationship' is actually pathetic.

If you apologize, it's actually up to your partner whether to forgive you or not. To be totally honest, I would forgive my partner if he cheats on me but I will only do it once. If he cheats again, I'm burning his car. And, don't complain that your partner turns into a monster when they find out you cheated, YOU are the one that turned them into a monster that they feared they will turn.


7. Don't make promises that you can't keep

When you promise to keep in touch, please do. When you promise a second outing, do it. When you promise to wish good morning and good night everyday without fail, do it. When you promise not to hurt your partner, don't hurt them. Making promises cause the other party to expect and it hurts when you don't carry out. I have guys who after getting my number and saying that we should keep in touch never did and guys who promised a second outing never bother to even reply my text. What I'm trying to say is that screw being polite. If you don't feel like keeping in touch or go out with me for the second time, don't suggest it to me or give me ideas. It's fucking irritating. Heck! I never did. Why do you guys think I never ask for a guy's number no matter how cute or nice they are? Cause when I don't want to keep in touch with them, I just keep quiet and say bye. Yeah, I'm bitter but what do I care? I've been stabbed in the back by 4 guys (actually it's more) and their knives are still there. It doesn't really help that two of them stabbed me 50 times!!!! Guys, just stab it in the heart and be done with it, please!

Felt the burn or the stab? Good. Cause that means that it works. I blog about this topic with that intention. Don't worry. I felt it too.

Inb4: Kau single baik takyah cakap pasal relationship lah!!

Past Me vs Present Me part 1

I'm 25 going to be 26 so yeah I'm old. Yayness!!!


Since I'm older and somewhat wiser (?), I noticed that I've changed... a lot. Past me would be very shocked to see the present me and the present me would be just winking at past me and said that this is real. As you move on to a new place or a new surrounding, your social circle change and so are your perspective and opinions. I don't think that it's wrong. So, here are the list of my perspective during my teens and early 20s and my perspective now.

1. Criteria of an ideal boyfriend/husband
Past me: I want a big brother figure. Someone who can take care of me. Someone who will tell me to stay out of trouble and someone who controls me a bit. Someone who cares about me and would scold me whenever I mess up. Someone who can guide me to the right path. Someone who can mould me to be perfect and good. Someone who will spoil me and dotes on me and treats me like a little girl. Someone who will protect and support me at all times.

Present me: Someone who I can be myself with. Someone who doesn't control me. Someone who recognizes me as an individual. Someone who respects and understand my life choices despite not really agreeable with it. Someone who will support me and my decisions even though my decisions are dumb and will get me in trouble. Someone who is willing to work together to strengthen our bond. Someone who will trust that despite me getting myself into problems and trouble, I can get myself out. Someone who acknowledge that I'm an independent woman. Someone who will tell me to keep an eye on my goals and go for it. Someone who stand by me and tell me that I can do it no matter how impossible and stupid my goals are. Someone who respects my opinion and will not shoot me down. Someone who is open-minded.

2. Life
Past me: I can't make it alone. I want someone by my side. I need someone to guide me. I need to be rescued. I'm a damsel in distress.

Present me: I'm independent. I have talents and intelligence that God gives me. I can make it. I can do it. The one who will rescue me is me. I'm a fighter.

3. Opinions
Past me: They are older and more experienced than me so they are right and I'm wrong.

Present me: Some are right, some are wrong. Doesn't mean that I'm young and have different opinions doesn't mean that I'm wrong.

4. On myself
Past me: I have to be a good girl. I have to be graceful, gentle, docile, obedient and nice.

Present me: I have to be a good girl and at the same time ambitious, hardworking, smart, gentle yet fierce, obedient yet stubborn and nice.

5. About people
Past me: I want everybody to like me even though I don't like them.

Present me: I don't want to be a people pleaser. It's really exhausting. I like food. Food is good.

6. To those who shoots down my opinions
Past me: They must have been right. Why do I even think about it?

Present me: This is my opinion so please suck it up!

7. When people tells me on how I should live my life (in a forceful way)
Past me: You're right. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Present me: Dude! My parents don't even do that to me so what makes you think that YOU have the authority to do that???

8. When thinking on whether to dump or keep someone who used to help you but now just plain toxic and makes me miserable. Period.
Past me: They helped me in the past and what would I be without them. I know that they make me miserable now and trying to control me but dumping them makes me look like an ingrate. Plus, who will donate their organ or love me or visit my grave?

Present me: Thank you for helping me in the past but you have to go. Me, putuskan silaturrahim? Yeah, I am. But, hey. I have to get rid of bad energy to save myself.

9. When people use religion for their own benefits
Past me: I can't even detect it. I genuinely thought that they're right.

Present me: Seriously, guys? Seriously? Go away!

10. When people unceremoniously dump me
Past me: Can we please reach a settlement?

Present me: Whatever. Please get out of my sight.

11. When people pushes me to buy things
Past me: Okay. I'll buy it.

Present me: Get out of my way!

12. On love and relationships
Past me: I have to wait for him to make the first move. I can't make the first move. It's going to make me feel cheap.

Present me: If I want it, I'll work to get it. Life ain't a fairytale. It doesn't matter who makes the first move, what matters is that the first move is made.

13. On life.
Past me: Feel free to intervene my life and shield me from making mistakes cause I don't want to make mistakes (begrudgingly). Since you're older than me, despite my parents say that it's my choice Imma let you decide for me.

Present me: My life, my choice, my mistake, my fight, my journey. You may advise, you may caution but the moment you try to force me and control me, sayonara ******!!!

14. On information stumbled upon (including the ones that are related to religion)
Past me: Oh my God! They're right!

Present me: Verify, verify, verify.

My top 10 favourite love songs

I'm feeling extra jiwang tonight, which is rare because I rarely show my jiwang-ness.

In case some of you don't know, jiwang is a Malay slang for sentimental.

Since I'm feeling jiwang/sentimental, I'm going to list down my top 10 favourite love songs (Youtube videos included) that I would like to include in our (me and my future husband who currently remains a mystery for me to solve) love song CD mix.

#10 Irony by Seriously

I've been a fan of Seriously since 2009. With their catchy beat and light hearted lyrics, what's not to like about this track?



#9 Baby It's Fact by Hellogoodbye

Baby, it's fact. All of it's true. They way black is black and blue which is blue. My love is true, it's a matter of fact. Oh and you love me too. It's as simple as that. Baby, our love is true.



#8 Tonight I Know by Chester See

This song describes how I feel every time I have a crush/fall in love with someone, except for the 'Tonight I Know' part.



#7 Valentine by Kina Grannis

To be honest, Valentine's Day is non-existent in my calendar but this sing is just so sweet :)



#6 I Won't Give Up Until You're Safe and Sound by Ryan Narciso

This is a mash up of Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up and Taylor Swift's Safe and Sound. They actually go together.



#5 In Your Arms by Kina Grannis



#4 A Short Little Song About Love by Nice Peter

This is a short and sweet song about love.



#3 All My Love by Cameron Mitchell

This is an original song by Cameron Mitchell from the Glee Project. What I like about this song is that it makes you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.



#2 This is a Way by David Choi



#1 You're a Gift by Dante Give Me Motion

I can listen to this song for a million times and can still melt. Seriously.

Ramadhan Review Special: Arranged

Synopsis

Two young women — one an Orthodox Jew, the other Muslim — meet and become friends as first-year teachers at a public school in Brooklyn. Over the course of the year they learn they share much in common, not least of which is that they are both going through arranged marriages.

This film is actually based on a true story of an Orthodox Jewish woman named Yuta Silverman who is also an executive producer of this film.

The film started out in the library of a public school where first year teachers had an ice breaking session. Nasira Khalidi, a Muslim of Syrian descent was up first. Followed by an Orthodox Jew Rochel (pronounced: Ro-Hel) Mashenberg. At first, they didn't talk to each other. Their friendship began when some students began to make some prejudicial remarks towards them. Nasira was teaching the class while Rochel was there to assist a blind student in that class as Rochel specialized in special children education and they were called to Principal Jacoby's office because of that. Another thing that strengthen their friendship is that both of them are going through the process of arranged marriage hence the title). Rochel went through a process called sadkhan which involves an arranged date set up by the matchmaker while Nasira went through the usual family coming to her house to meet her family. What I like about this move is that they portray Nasira's family as non-judgmental and not oppressive. Contrary to what's been reported by Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International and whatnots, when it comes to arranged marriage, both Nasira's parents did not force her to enter into arranged marriage. They actually want what's best for Nasira and took into account of Nasira's personal opinion. And, when Nasira finally found a match, they gave their blessings seeing how happy Nasira is. Meanwhile, Rochel was struggling in meeting a match of her own. Basically, she was pressured by her family to get married quickly (reminds you guys of something right?) in order to avoid diminished prospects of her sister Naomi.

On another note, this film also criticizes the liberalists and the secularists. For example, Principal Jacoby who is a secular Jew felt that it was her job to modernize both Nasira and Rochel which I think is unnecessary. In some way, I felt that Jacoby was disrespectful of both of their culture and try to force her beliefs to them.

In my opinion, this film is worth a watch. It is a feel good romantic comedy film with a hint of culture. Yes, you guys get to learn some culture, especially when it comes to Orthodox Jewish culture. This film also portrays that people can be modern and keep up with the current time while adhering to their faiths at the same time.

This film shows how individual relationships can transcend age-old divisions and shows that in the search for love, true friends know best.

Rating: 4.5/5

Now, on to the trailer:



Starring: Zoe Lister-Jones, Francis Benhamou, Doris Belack and Mimi Lieber.

For more info, head on to Arranged Official Website

Credits to Cicala Film Works on Youtube

My Blogging History

I first started to blog in the end of 2001 at Teen Open Diary (that website is closed right now, visit Open Diary) under the name Jessica Alba. However, I forgot all about that and made a new account under the name Padme Adrianna. In 2003, Xanga was in the rage among my firends so I made a Xanga account under 2 names: Padme Adrianna and Frankie Muniz74 (I had a huge crush on Frankie Muniz at that time). I deleted my Padme Adrianna Xanga because I prefer my Frankie Muniz74 blog. It became my most updated blog until the year 2004 when I discovered LiveJournal. I made an LJ account and it became my main blog ever since. Actually I made a Blogger account in 2006 as a roleplay blog. I played as Archie Johnson from CSI and I made some blogvels (blog novels) and deleted that account due to writer's block, plus I want to create a new account. Hence, Doo Joon-I-Tis was born. Taa-daa!

My lecturer once told me....

If someone insults/degrades Islam, please don't get too emotional.

Kalau orang kutuk/hina Islam, jangan cepat melatah.

Instead, just calmly and diplomatically explain to them of their misconceptions.

For example:
You told me that you don't like war but you have to support it cause your brother's in it.
You know how stupid that sounds.
Well, if your brother fell into the sewer, are you going to stand and say, "Hell yeah! I support this sewer. He can die but he has to stay."

Lagi kau rage, lagi banyak lah modal yang diorang dapat. That actually gives them reasons to insult Islam more.

What I'm trying to say: Advise, don't fight. With advising, you can be sarcastic while you're at it.

Alhamdulillah and new beginning

I just got my results. To be frank, I did badly. Really badly.

But, look at the bright side. I passed. I freaking passed. My whole CGPA is more than enough to get me into LLB. I can hope now. Alhamdulillah, I did it. In fact, we did it. All of us final year students who will be graduating. Guys, we did it!!! We're graduating!!!!!!!!

Now, I'm hoping for the best to get into LLB.

Thank you for the support, guys, I really appreciate it. And, congratulations to all.

To all final year students....

WE ARE GRADUATING !!!!!!!!!!!!

Pre exam result stress

Feeling: Nervous
Listening to: Above & Beyond presenting Oceanlab: If I Could Fly

Results will be out tomorrow. All of my friends and other students from UiTM are nervous about it. I hope that all of us do well, especially the final year students (law especially). My past results aren't really stellar but they're okay. I just want to pull the grade that enables to be accepted to LLB Hons program. But then again, I shouldn't worry so much about the past. I just have to acknowledge it and let it go. Just embrace the present and look forward to the future. I just have to be confident and have faith that I pass (Insya Allah). Well, I survived the last 7 sems right? Surely (Insya Allah), I'll survive the 8th (and final) semester.

Yes, I'm worried. Worried that I might fail a paper and simultaneously ruin my chance to get to LLB this March. I really want LLB so badly this March. It must be this March. I don't want to postpone or prolong anything anymore. I mean, taking a one-year extension for BLS is enough. Not that I regret at the extension. I like it actually. I'm more flexible and have more time for myself. Plus, I don't get all stressed out. I made some new friends (and a new annoying classmate) and found a new way to remain in touch with my old ones. Most importantly, my grades improve. Looks like I perform better with less subjects.

I used to rush in things. Rushing to grow up so I can have more freedom. Rushing to finish school so I can go to uni. Yes, my goal when I was in school was to get out and go to uni. Rushing to finish uni so I can work and earn more money. As I get older (and maybe a little bit wiser), I realized that I just have to finish everything in my own pace. Who cares if some child genius prodigy managed to enter Oxford Uni at the age of 14? Who cares if some genius child prodigy managed to solve an Add Math problem when he's only 6 years old? Who cares! They ain't living your life. They don't really play a substantive role in your life. Why measure yourself according to them? Life's short but that doesn't give us a good reason to rush life. We just have to use all the time we have to live our life with our family and friends, have a good career and stuff. Just go with the flow. But, don't go too slow. You might every opportunities that come your way. No same opportunities come twice. Well, they sometimes do but it just won't feel the same. But that also doesn't mean that one is better than the other. They're different and special in their own (twisted) way.

In conclusion (essay much?), I would like to wish all my UiTM friends all the best in their exam result ;)



This video might be inspirational I hope (contains profanity).

When two friends fight

How they see it



How I see it



How it actually is



Image credits: here, here and here

Beza orang fikiran sempit dan orang fikiran luas

Wow! I sure do learn my lesson not comment on Blog Serius anymore.

Why?

#1 You have different perspective in religion, you are automatically kafir.

#2 Anons will say that your private parts stinks (sickos!)

#3 They kafirkan you without you yourself kafirkan yourself. Wow! Pseudo fortune teller.

#4 Emotion. Drama. Emotion. Drama. Need I say more?

#5 Besides religion, if you have different opinions, you'll get insulted/banged/degraded/threatened

#6 You'll be more driven to the brink of insanity, suicide and stuff.

#7 Amboi, Minat K-Pop pun salah! Takde modal nak kutuk aku, kutuk pasal K-Pop lah ye. Takpelah. Korang baru tau yang aku ni dah tak layan K-Pop sangat.

#8 Boy, I miss LJ where people discuss matters academically.

A Maulidur Rasul entry

Yesterday was the 12th Rabiulawal 1433. You guys know what that means?

That's right! Prophet Muhammad PBUH (Peace Be Upon Him) was born.

Normally, in here we celebrate by conducting a procession while praying and making selawats for the Prophet (PBUH). Well, at least that's what schools and workplaces are conducting. It is a holiday after all.

Personally, instead of procession, why don't we remind each other to do good deeds to mankind? I'm sure the Prophet (PBUH) would be happy for us. Plus, no good deeds go unrewarded if you know what I mean.

Actually, good deeds can be done everyday regardless of holiday or no holiday. It can be something a simple as throwing a trash in the trash can or something else such as studying, do chores and the like.


Title : One Day
Artist: Matisyahu



What would you say to the Prophet (PBUH) if you get to sit with him for one minute?

Other than assalamualaikum, what comes next is really difficult. I might cry like the girl in the video because it is the Prophet (PBUH) we're talking about. It's every Muslims' dream to be with him. I think not only it's overwhelming thinking about it but it's actually pretty cool. Of course, I have to choose my words carefully. Being rude and explicit is a big no-no. Seriously, I don't know what to say other than giving salam to him. I might cry. Well, I almost cried watching that video which I muted it knowing that if I turned up the volume, I would cry more than I cried during the time Elphaba sang Defying Gravity in the Wicked the Musical.

To end this entry, I would like to wish Happy holidays and Happy Maulidur Rasul to all ^_^

A jolt

I was browsing Facebook and stumbled upon one of my friends' status that made me almost want to cry. Cry out of realization.

We always plan things. When things don't go as we planned it to be, we tend to curse and get pissed off. We sometimes tend to get mad at God on why things screw up. Sometimes, we tend to lose hope and give up on life.

When reading that status, I realized that everything happens for a reason. God has reasons why things happen they way they are.

Pelik tak?

Perhatikan kedua-dua situasi berikut:

2 orang bangsa sama dan menganut agama yang sama tetapi bergaduh disebabkan pandangan politik yang berbeza. Siap bergaduh dan mengutuk satu sama lain. Jangan cerita lah kutukan camana. Kalau tak offensive memang tak sah.

2 orang bangsa yang berbeza, menganut agama yang berbeza. Pandangan politik, memang jauh berbeza antara satu sama lain. Tetapi, masih bersahabat baik. Segala pendapat disuarakan dan dibincangkan secara akademik.

Pelik tak?

Atau tidak pelik sama sekali?

10 reasons why I'm not cool

This is a response to this video:



So, this my 10 reasons why I'm not cool.

:: Jingle begins ::

10 Reasons why I am not cool

:: Jingle ends ::

10. I spend more time watching Youtube videos than talking to people.

9. I like to make lame impression of people I know. This includes friends and lecturers.

8. I write parody lyrics to songs and think they're funny even though they're just plain lame.

7. I hum to this song on a regular basis.



6. I tend to use fake accents (sometimes non-existent) to make my statements sound funny.

5. I really want to be a secret agent like Cody Banks.

4. I really and actually want to be a ninja. I mean, an actual ninja. And, tend to use that as an excuse not to be in a relationship.

3. I want to have a picture of me holding a numchuck while posing like a ninja on 9Gag.

2. I tend to act cool in front of guys fearing that they will think I'm gedik. If they're younger than me, I act like I'm their older sister. Sometimes, I try too hard to act really cool that I look dorky and weird instead. I even call some of my guy friends 'bro'.

1. I think that this video is the best PSA for alcohol and binge drinking.



I don't know about you guys but I wouldn't want any of my drunk friends to embarrass me like that. Plus, this is the camera phone age yo! It may be uploaded on Youtube and turned viral for at least 2 years. Yikes!

Personality disorder

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Yikes!

How to soldier on from a heartbreak

Smile. Just smile. It doesn't have to be a wide perky smile. It can be a small smile. A broken smile. A sad smile. But don't make it forced. Just smile. Smile when you see him. Smile even though seeing both of them together breaks you. Smile even though he talks about her. Smile even though you see her. You have no reason to make her your enemy. You have no reason to be a sore loser. Despite playing to win, it is important to lose graciously as well. The demon has retreated so don't worry. There are other demons out there. Let the Lord Knight deal with the demon. There are demon lords far more dangerous to face with greater rewards to get.

You are an Assassin Cross. Poison doesn't hurt you. Poison is your weapon. Use it. Smile. Enhance your weapon. Do not attack a retreating demon as its power is more dangerous when provoked. Dangerous than you can ever imagined. Keep that in mind.


I learned from the best, Taec.

To sum it up in Malay: Dah nama Assassin Cross, hati kena kental lah ^_^