Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer

Since there are lots of weddings and engagements going on amongst my circle of friends, I figure that since I have no job, no life and no boyfriend, why don't I make a list of my dream engagement and wedding.

For my engagement:

• Just bring the ring because that's the reason why you guys are here in the first place
• Please keep it in a durable, no-frill container that fits nicely in your pocket
• Hantaran is negotiable. It depends on how much you're willing to pay without taking up a loan and living on Maggi all year long. I don't measure myself with money
• No balas pantun please. I want to keep it as simple as possible
• No dulang-dulang hantaran. Save that for the akad nikah (solemnization)
• Do not overdress. It ain't official yet.

For my (ahem, our) wedding:

• The theme is either white or cream. No offence, that red baju melayu looks really great on you during Eid but on our wedding, it made me cringe.
• A simple akad nikah would do. Either in my house or at the masjid. Preferably at the masjid cause can fit many people and we can like solat berjemaah while we're at it
• To miss or mrs makeup artist: DO NOT MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A DRAG QUEEN PLEASE
• No falsies and plucking my eyebrows either
• Simple makeup will do lah. I just want to look pretty and fresh, not like a children's colouring book
• Please keep hijab styling as simple and sweet as possible. I want to be able to breathe
• Reception is optional
• If there is any reception: no tepung tawar and no songs from Justin Bieber, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Kesha and Katy Perry shall be played. Lifehouse is approved
• To the caterers: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE PEEL AND DEVEIN THE PRAWNS. I know peeled and deveined prawns ain't pretty but please, I don't want any incident of a prawn jumping out the dining table. The same rule applies to other crustaceans as well. However, I don't really mind raw oysters with shells intact.
• To our family: No fighting, no badmouthing, no usurping the ceremony or any acts that amounted to a wedding coup d etat
• To the jurunikah: please go easy on him. He's nervous
• Dulang hantaran rules: desserts are either to be fresh fruits or chocolates. No cheesecakes. Please make sure you know the size of my clothes and shoes. No flashy patterns like those designer brands like to put. For cosmetics and skincare: please know my skin and hair type and skin tone
• Better yet, scrap the dulang hantaran and use that money for a romantic getaway
• You know what, scrap the getaway too. Save it for the house instead
• Oh yeah. Card rules: Keep the design minimal and simple. Not to mention, unscented

So, yeah. That's all so far. Cheers!

What sort of hipster are you?

You're the Tortured Intellectual!
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Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

You're sensitive, you're emotional, and you wonder why everyone else in the world exists on a different plane. You cannot eat, breathe, or sleep without analyzing each action to death. You're usually sombre, depressed, lethargic, but you can be nearly glad from time to time. You wear whatever you can find on your cluttered bedroom floor. You carry books, notepads, reading glasses with you wherever you go. You have friends, but only a few who truly get where you're coming from. You frequent coffee shops, libraries, and the less crowded bars. You're obsessed with past people, past ideas, past lives. You wish you could die and be reborn as Jack Kerouac.