Relationship tips from a single person

People keep saying to never take relationship advice from someone who is single cause what do they know about relationships right? Well, as a single person I can tell you guys that we singles see some screw-ups in your relationships and you guys actually come to us complaining about your relationship problems. Sometimes you guys fight over the simplest of things but we try to understand lah. Here are some tips for you people in a relationship that I think would be useful.


1. Love is all about teamwork.

Love and relationships are never games. But somehow I see people treat it like so which screws the relationship. Chasing is a thrill but once you guys get together, it's no longer cat and mouse chase anymore. It's all about teamwork. Work together with your partner to make the relationship work. Treat it like you would if it's a business entity. Relationship is a partnership after all. I mean, a relationship cannot work if both parties or one party do not take it seriously and refuse to cooperate right?


2. Be proactive

Girls, don't expect guys to make the first move all the time. Guys, don't be so lazy after asking her out for a first date. If you guys want to get together, plan it. It doesn't really matter who instigate it, what matters is that plans are made. Don't complain that the other party doesn't put in an effort to get together. If you want it, ask.


3. Get your partner's free dates

If you guys work in a legal environment, especially litigation you guys know what I mean. I noticed that this thing is taken really lightly but asking for your partner's free dates in advance is important so that you guys can actually plan to spend time together. Cause seriously, constantly postponing a get-together is really irritating. People don't really mind if you guys have to postpone for some emergency, but constantly postponing it? Seriously? Better not go out at all.


4. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Some of you guys really lack communications. Communication is very important in letting your partner know what you need, what you want and stuff. People are not mind readers so if you want something, ask for it. If you feel dissatisfied or happy, voice it out. Talk it out lah. Be professional about it. Don't shout or accuse each other. Start with things like "I feel that..." so at least the other party can explain themselves without getting too defensive. Make sure you guys understand each other to avoid any misunderstandings. Cause based on my observation, it's one of the reasons relationships screw up.


5. Don't set unrealistic expectations

We girls are guilty of this, me included. I do expect my texts to be returned on time and I get agitated when my calls are unanswered and rejected and when texts don't get replied on time. I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do have friends who took months to reply and the one who never replies yet accuses me of never keeping in touch. I don't really expect texts to be returned there and then but hey, anytime you guys are online would be fine. And I'm talking about friends of the same gender.

What I'm trying to say is that please do not expect a lot from your partner. Some of us actually need coaxing and reminders. Hate to break it to you guys about this but sometimes we have to act like a secretary. You know what, don't expect at all.


6. I don't care if you're my best friend in the whole wide world but if you cheat on your partner, I'm on their side.

I may not like your partner but if you cheat on them, I'm always on their side. I don't care what are your reasons for cheating, I will still think that you're an asshole. No offence lah. When you cheat, it doesn't only affect your partner, it affects everybody in your circle whether you notice it or not. I know this one couple (they were) who both of them are my friends and I'm closer to the dude. When I found out that he cheated on his (ex) girlfriend, I chose to side with her. Not because she's a girl or that she's younger than me. It's just I saw how her hurt she was and how it devastated her. It just makes me so angry that I fear that this thing will happen to me in the future. It gives me a twisted opinion about love and relationship altogether. Besides, scoffing at the word 'love' and 'relationship' is actually pathetic.

If you apologize, it's actually up to your partner whether to forgive you or not. To be totally honest, I would forgive my partner if he cheats on me but I will only do it once. If he cheats again, I'm burning his car. And, don't complain that your partner turns into a monster when they find out you cheated, YOU are the one that turned them into a monster that they feared they will turn.


7. Don't make promises that you can't keep

When you promise to keep in touch, please do. When you promise a second outing, do it. When you promise to wish good morning and good night everyday without fail, do it. When you promise not to hurt your partner, don't hurt them. Making promises cause the other party to expect and it hurts when you don't carry out. I have guys who after getting my number and saying that we should keep in touch never did and guys who promised a second outing never bother to even reply my text. What I'm trying to say is that screw being polite. If you don't feel like keeping in touch or go out with me for the second time, don't suggest it to me or give me ideas. It's fucking irritating. Heck! I never did. Why do you guys think I never ask for a guy's number no matter how cute or nice they are? Cause when I don't want to keep in touch with them, I just keep quiet and say bye. Yeah, I'm bitter but what do I care? I've been stabbed in the back by 4 guys (actually it's more) and their knives are still there. It doesn't really help that two of them stabbed me 50 times!!!! Guys, just stab it in the heart and be done with it, please!

Felt the burn or the stab? Good. Cause that means that it works. I blog about this topic with that intention. Don't worry. I felt it too.

Inb4: Kau single baik takyah cakap pasal relationship lah!!

Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer part 2 (special Bridezilla edition)

I know that I'll be a Bridezilla for my own wedding.

To my future husband aka Jeremy ahem Lin:

• No. We are not doing a samurai-geisha photoshoot!
• No. We're soooo not getting a fake tan!
• No. I'm not going to dressed up as a zombie.
• Yes. We can have faux flowers for our wedding.
• Yes. You can wear a suit.
• Can I wear a sari/cheongsam for your side's reception?
• Can I invite the Maccabeats over to sing at our wedding? They're cheaper than CN Blue.
• What about Lindsey Stirling?
• Josh Ruben from CollegeHumor? I mean, he's really funny when he played Mama in Precious Plum.
• Can we like take the road not taken for our honeymoon? I'm thinking of Bran's Castle in Romania.
• Can I not invite my ex-boyfriend (if I have one) over. I mean, he's an ex for a reason.
• Can we do a Linsanity handshake?
• I love you.

To the caterers:

• Can we please have bigger chicken parts?
• Can you please peel and devein the shrimps?
• Can we please have a nice bowl of hearty rice porridge and condiments instead of the usual nasi minyak?
• Can we go Arabian instead? Lamb kabsa is the new red velvet.
• Can we please have a hearty bowl of soup for everybody?
• It's telur pindang or telur pindang. But, tea eggs are fine too.Scratch that. Let's go for a jar of honey or a bag full of candies instead.
• Can we please have chocolate cake with chocolate frosting?
• Can the cake please be just one-tier? I mean, not everybody's going to eat it.
• Delicious food, guys. Good job!

To the wedding dress boutique owners:

• Can I wear my wedding dress to other functions?
• Can we please keep beadings and sequins to a minimal?
• No, I am not going to wear a Marie Antionette inspired gown. I mean, I only have a little neck.
• Do I look fat and disproportionate in this dress?
• Can I have a boho-inspired peasant dress instead like the one I meant to write for Alexa and Peter's wedding for my up and coming fiction?
• I want a black suit for my husband. Not gray, not striped. Not medieval inspired either unless our wedding is Halloween themed.
• No. I'm not going to wear the braless, backless, sleeveless and skimpy wedding dresses.
• Can I please have a dress that says 'sweet' instead of 'hot'?
• Thank you.

To the guests:

• No alcohol please. This is a wedding, not a pub.
• We will not be held responsible for any injury, death, broken bones, severed body parts, blood spillage, not being able to catch the bouquet during bouquet toss, fights, breakups, riots, mutiny, insanity or Linsanity, infection, zombie apocalypse, saseng fans syndrome and everything that you can expect a typical wedding's fuck-ups.
• Please take care of your children. There are fragile things here.
• No fighting.
• No, we ain't playing Crazy Frog and Avicii. This is a wedding, not a rave.
• Thank you for coming.

To our families:

• No fighting.
• Can we please not have a tepung tawar and any of those renjis-renjis stuff?
• You wanna invite the whole clan???? How are we going to pay for that?????
• You know the song that goes like: Dia datang (insert beat) dengan lenggang lingguknya? We ain't playing that.
• Our theme is white or cream. Full stop.

Past Me vs Present Me part 1

I'm 25 going to be 26 so yeah I'm old. Yayness!!!


Since I'm older and somewhat wiser (?), I noticed that I've changed... a lot. Past me would be very shocked to see the present me and the present me would be just winking at past me and said that this is real. As you move on to a new place or a new surrounding, your social circle change and so are your perspective and opinions. I don't think that it's wrong. So, here are the list of my perspective during my teens and early 20s and my perspective now.

1. Criteria of an ideal boyfriend/husband
Past me: I want a big brother figure. Someone who can take care of me. Someone who will tell me to stay out of trouble and someone who controls me a bit. Someone who cares about me and would scold me whenever I mess up. Someone who can guide me to the right path. Someone who can mould me to be perfect and good. Someone who will spoil me and dotes on me and treats me like a little girl. Someone who will protect and support me at all times.

Present me: Someone who I can be myself with. Someone who doesn't control me. Someone who recognizes me as an individual. Someone who respects and understand my life choices despite not really agreeable with it. Someone who will support me and my decisions even though my decisions are dumb and will get me in trouble. Someone who is willing to work together to strengthen our bond. Someone who will trust that despite me getting myself into problems and trouble, I can get myself out. Someone who acknowledge that I'm an independent woman. Someone who will tell me to keep an eye on my goals and go for it. Someone who stand by me and tell me that I can do it no matter how impossible and stupid my goals are. Someone who respects my opinion and will not shoot me down. Someone who is open-minded.

2. Life
Past me: I can't make it alone. I want someone by my side. I need someone to guide me. I need to be rescued. I'm a damsel in distress.

Present me: I'm independent. I have talents and intelligence that God gives me. I can make it. I can do it. The one who will rescue me is me. I'm a fighter.

3. Opinions
Past me: They are older and more experienced than me so they are right and I'm wrong.

Present me: Some are right, some are wrong. Doesn't mean that I'm young and have different opinions doesn't mean that I'm wrong.

4. On myself
Past me: I have to be a good girl. I have to be graceful, gentle, docile, obedient and nice.

Present me: I have to be a good girl and at the same time ambitious, hardworking, smart, gentle yet fierce, obedient yet stubborn and nice.

5. About people
Past me: I want everybody to like me even though I don't like them.

Present me: I don't want to be a people pleaser. It's really exhausting. I like food. Food is good.

6. To those who shoots down my opinions
Past me: They must have been right. Why do I even think about it?

Present me: This is my opinion so please suck it up!

7. When people tells me on how I should live my life (in a forceful way)
Past me: You're right. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Present me: Dude! My parents don't even do that to me so what makes you think that YOU have the authority to do that???

8. When thinking on whether to dump or keep someone who used to help you but now just plain toxic and makes me miserable. Period.
Past me: They helped me in the past and what would I be without them. I know that they make me miserable now and trying to control me but dumping them makes me look like an ingrate. Plus, who will donate their organ or love me or visit my grave?

Present me: Thank you for helping me in the past but you have to go. Me, putuskan silaturrahim? Yeah, I am. But, hey. I have to get rid of bad energy to save myself.

9. When people use religion for their own benefits
Past me: I can't even detect it. I genuinely thought that they're right.

Present me: Seriously, guys? Seriously? Go away!

10. When people unceremoniously dump me
Past me: Can we please reach a settlement?

Present me: Whatever. Please get out of my sight.

11. When people pushes me to buy things
Past me: Okay. I'll buy it.

Present me: Get out of my way!

12. On love and relationships
Past me: I have to wait for him to make the first move. I can't make the first move. It's going to make me feel cheap.

Present me: If I want it, I'll work to get it. Life ain't a fairytale. It doesn't matter who makes the first move, what matters is that the first move is made.

13. On life.
Past me: Feel free to intervene my life and shield me from making mistakes cause I don't want to make mistakes (begrudgingly). Since you're older than me, despite my parents say that it's my choice Imma let you decide for me.

Present me: My life, my choice, my mistake, my fight, my journey. You may advise, you may caution but the moment you try to force me and control me, sayonara ******!!!

14. On information stumbled upon (including the ones that are related to religion)
Past me: Oh my God! They're right!

Present me: Verify, verify, verify.