Just nak clarify

Sambungan kepada cerita semalam. Moral of the story is that kalau orang tanya soalan yang kau rasa pelik, jangan cepat melatah. Tak semestinya niat orang tu adalah offensive dan sengaja nak malukan kita.

However...

Ada certain isu yang memang terang lagi bersuluh offensive dan patut dibetulkan. Contohnya:

• Menuduh orang berkulit gelap  & beragama Islam sebagai pengganas
• Menggelar orang asal Afrika menggunakan "N-word" & menggelar orang India menggunakan "keling"
• Menuduh orang yang mempunyai adat dan budaya berlainan sebagai kolot
• Berkata bahawa makanan dari kaum tertentu sebagai jijik
• Cubaan untuk menanggalkan tudung/niqab pada tubuh wanita
• Asking someone who has dreadlocks or cornrows if you can touch their hair
• Catcalling & sexual harassment 
• Tanya "Are those bombs?"
• Rape
• Domestic violence
• Chopsticks on EVERY Asian food (like seriously nasi goreng pun kau nak guna chopsticks, apa kes?)
• Brutalities against unarmed civilians
• Offensive stereotypes like Melayu malas, Africans penyangak, etc
• Cultural appropriation

The list is not exhaustive. There are plenty of issues that are legitimately offensive to certain groups of people. Tak sure dan ingin tahu? Boleh tanya directly kepada orang-orang yang bersesuaian. If you want to know about dreads and cornrows, ask people of the African descent. If you want to ask anything about the Indian culture, ask Indians. If you want to know about Islam and Muslims, ask Muslims. Juga harus diingat walaupun sebangsa dan seagama, tidak bermakna mereka mempunyai lifestyle yang sama. The lifestyle of British Indians are different from the American Indians, Indians who live in India and Indians who live in Malaysia. The same thing goes to African Americans and British Blacks. Heck, even the lifestyle of a Malaysian Muslim is different from an American Muslim, British Muslim, Chinese Muslim and an Arab Muslim. Masing-masing ada lifestyle masing-masing. For example, Japanese American and local Japanese have different reactions to Katy Perry wearing a kimono. Local Japanese felt that Katy Perry was appreciating their culture while Japanese Americans felt that Katy Perry was appropriating their culture. I understand both sides actually. Japanese Americans were forced to assimilate into the American culture and when they want to embrace their culture, they are deemed as backwards and refusing to be American but when Katy Perry did that, it was celebrated. Nampak lah logik dia "Kimono tu pakaian aku. Aku pakai, kau kata aku kolot tapi Katy Perry pakai kata cantik pulak. Apa kes?" While local Japanese suka pasal they felt that their culture dah sampai ke dunia luar. Bagi aku, mungkin locals berpendapat bila orang lain pakai pakaian diorang and makan makanan diorang, itu menunjukkan bahawa orang tu cuba belajar pasal budaya. Wishful thinking sebab most Westerners pakai just nak nampak hip dan stylo je.

And also, expectations locals. As a Malaysian, kalau foreigners datang, memang aku expect diorang untuk cuba makanan Malaysia, pakai pakaian Malaysia (tak kisah cheongsam ke, sari ke, baju kurung ke). Asalkan kau appreciate dan hormati budaya kami dan bukan sengaja mahu mengaut keuntungan at the expense of certain ethnic groups.

Anyway, despite me saying that each people have different lifestyle, they are still who they are. Not matter who they are, African Americans and British Blacks STILL face discrimination in the country of their domicile. American Indians, British Indians and Malaysian Indians are STILL minorities in the country of their domicile. Basically, walaupun lifestyle berlainan, don't forget that there are some similarities with each other.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that we have to understand each other. If someone is offended about something, try to understand why. If someone is not offended about something, try to understand why also. Don't simply label people as 'sensitive snowflake' or 'too stupid to see' or 'naive'. Basically, we as citizens of the world should be nicer to each other and understand each other better. While we're at it, we must learn how to pick and choose our battles. Jangan nak main redah semua sampai kawan kita punya battle pun kita nak ambik sekali. No way! Jangan camtu, dong! Show your concern but at the same time, realise that if it's their own batle, let them choose.

B adalah aku

Sebagai seorang rakyat Malaysia yang samada belajar atau bekerja di luar negara, patut ke kita rasa tersinggung dan terkilan bila orang asing tanya kita:

1. Is it true that Malaysians have a feast (eat heavy stuff like rice, noodles, roti canai and condiments, etc) for breakfast? and
2. Is it also true that we eat curries for breakfast?

Basically, it is offensive? If you don't think it's offensive, should you be offended? If you don't think it's offensive and you think you shouldn't be, should other people be offended? Pendek kata A tanya B soalan, C terasa.

A: British-Indian

B: Malaysian-Malay

C: American-Indian

D: British-Indian

Honestly, bila ada orang tanya soalan ni, it feels weird to me. Sebab si penanya tu mempunyai adat dan budaya yang serupa dengan kebanyakan penduduk negara Malaysia. Basically, yang tanya tu British-Indian and since him being a British Indian, shouldn't he like, can relate and tak patut terkejut? 

Tapi itu bukan isunya. Isu yang ditekankan adalah A tanya B soalan berkaitan dengan negara, adat dan budaya B, B rasa okay je tapi C (yang sebangsa dengan A tapi bukan senegara dengan A dan langsung bukan senegara dan sebangsa dengan B) yang mendengar tu rasa tersinggung dan berpendapat A sengaja mahu memalukan B. Ingin dimaklumkan bahawa B dan C adalah kawan baik. A merupakan kawan baik kepada kawan B iaitu D. Ingin juga dimaklumkan C tidak pernah mengenali A dan B cuma sekadar mahu bercerita kepada C.

Cerita dia camni:

I was attending D's birthday party two weeks ago and met A. So when A found out I'm from Malaysia, asked me those two questions. So yeah. I was weirded out at first since A is a British Indian and like, fam don't you guys do those too? He told me that he had a friend from Malaysia who told him that. Dalam hati, mungkin family dia tak amalkan. So, aku terangkan lah secara slow talk yang secara amnya, memang betul tapi bukan semua yang buat. Bergantung kepada keluarga masing-masing. Ada yang breakfast makan nasi lemak, nasi goreng, nasi dagang, roti canai, bubur nasi dan juga mi (noodles). Ada yang prefer Western-style macam telur, roti, cereal, susu, buah dan lain-lain. A, being an Indian felt it was something cool to eat what he had for dinner as breakfast. I told him to give it a try. Dia pun tanya pasal nasi lemak. So, jawab lah nasi lemak ni macam bboy moves, dia banyak variation tapi asas dia ialah nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, telur rebus dan sambal. Boleh tambah ikan bilis goreng, ayam goreng, sambal ikan bilis, sambal sotong, kacang, rendang ayam, rendang daging dan juga kari. Tapi asas still nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, sambal dan telur rebus. For me, selain dari rasa pelik, aku tak terasa pun bila dia tanya sebab dari intonasi dan gerak badan A, dia memang sahaja bertanya kerana mungkin kawan dia tu tipu dia (logik sebab bila orang tu rasa soalan tu racist, rasa macam nak menipu je) dan mungkin dia juga betul-betul ingin tahu memandangkan me, in country called Malaysia born and raised.

Maybe it's different if A tu tanya dengan nada menyindir and lepas aku jawab, dia ketawakan aku and said that my culture is backwards. But that's not the situation, A was between speechless dan "kenapa aku tak try awal-awal dowh!" Basically, reaction dia is what you can expect tourists who come to Malaysia for the first time and culture shock, in a positive way. Come on lah, aku pun tertanya-tanya jugak betul ke apa yang diportray kat media tu sama dengan reality. For example, is it true that all Brits are polite and drink tea all day? Answer, not necessarily. They are just like us, ada yang polite and ada yang tak seberapa. Walaupun majority suka minum teh tapi ada yang prefer kopi, hot chocolate atau juice.

What happened is this: Time breakfast tengah sedap-sedap makan bubur berlauk 3 hari berturut. Hari ni baru perasan, "Wow, I DID have a feast for breakfast! Looool!!!!!" And kadang-kadang aku pun suka panaskan kari semalam untuk breakfast and cicah dengan roti. Sedap, okay! So ingat nak call member iaitu C just to tell a joke, as in my sudden moment of realisation that I just had a super nice delicious feast for breakfast. Knowing me, aku bercerita confirm ada muqadimah. So cerita lah dulu pasal A. Aku rasa C tersinggung dan terasa. Dia juga menasihati aku supaya berhati-hati dengan orang dan berpendapat A adalah bodoh dan ignorant. Dia juga menasihati aku that people are going to bring me down (am I surprised that it's gonna happen? No. For the record, I give that advice to myself in my sleep) with their stupidity and I need to rise above it. It's a good advice tapi tak sesuai. Sebab kau bukan kat sana so kau tak dengar dan kau tak nampak. Kau tak kenal dia. Just because bagi kau, aku ni sweet dan innocent, kau ingat aku defenseless. I know okay. I know. Aku tau bila orang tu being offensive ke tak. Cuma tolong bagi aku buat decision aku sendiri on how aku nak react. Aku boleh je nak tampar muka mamat tu. Aku boleh je marah actually. But I choose not to.

But then again, mungkin salah aku sebab mula dengan muqadimah. Patut terjah je dengan lawak (hambar) aku tu. Tapi takut mereka nggak bisa faham, dong. Even kau nak doa kat Tuhan pun, bukan kau terjah je. Mestilah baca bismillah dulu. Tapi maybe salah aku lah yang aku tak dapat bagitau joke aku. Sebab start dengan muqadimah. Aku tak tau if the question was posed to an immigrant instead of a local, it would be super offended. But there's a fine line between what's offensive and what's not offensive, no? There is. But here's the thing, don't I have the right to choose how to react (when it only concerns me)? Do I have the right to choose if it's offensive or not (when it only concerns me)? She means well but I feel like dia secara tak sengaja termissed the point. Aku tak sure. Mungkin aku salah. Mungkin I should be offended with the question sama macam aku offended gila babi bila D bagitau aku yang bus driver tanya dia "Those aren't bombs right?" bila dia tolong aku pindah barang. In all honesty, D patut jawab dalam kotak tu ada belacan sebab a) sebab dalam kotak tu memang ada belacan b) mengangkat kotak berisi belacan (walaupun belacan tu tinggal sikit) adalah dope. Tapi D tak tau belacan tu apa, kita lupakan dulu. 

Sebenarnya, aku rasa C tu cepat sangat nak melatah. Sebab aku okay je dengan soalan A tapi dia touching melebih. Kau pehal? Steady lah, jane. Macam kawan kau tu. Dia flamboyant gila sampai orang ingat dia nak pergi fashion show. Style dia pelik. Memang pelik. Kadang-kadang tak kena gaya. Bagi kau, orang yang "puji" pakaian dia tu sebenarnya menyindir dia dan kau kesian pasal kawan kau tu terima bulat-bulat "pujian" tersebut. Okay, kawan kau mungkin naive tapi dia tak bodoh. Mungkin dia tau tapi malas nak layan so dia macam "takpelah john. Aku anggap kau puji je." Why would he crack his head over a bunch of random strangers commenting about his fashion sense? Plus, kawan kau banyak benda nak fikir. Takkan benda kecik macam ni pun nak kena fikir jugak? Kalau dia kena catcall tu lain. Yang tu memang kena take action. Berdasarkan perspektif seorang stranger, aku tak ada masa nak menyindir a random stranger unless either I get paid or it's my hobby or I'm just a pathetic loser who doesn't know how to dress up. Which he might think the person who "complimented" his outfit falls under category 3 cause he thinks he's awesome. Memang dia awesome pun walaupun aku rasa di annoying gila nak mampus. And since we're in London, mungkin orang tu mabuk so daripada kawan kau tu offended tiba-tiba dia kesian. Just because orang tu nampak naive, innocent, young and sweet tak bermakna dalaman dia macam tu and tak semestinya 24/7 dia macam tu. Dia ada masa sweet, ada masa dia menaga. And orang-orang macam tu, jangan buat dia menaga. Habis kau nanti.

Kenapa aku tak bersuara? Aku bersuara pun. Aku cakap A tidak bermaksud apa-apa yang offensive. A cuma ingin tahu. Tapi dia went on cakap orang bodoh akan jatuhkan aku dengan kebodohan diorang. Eh, girl! Dia tu bodoh tu dia punya pasal, bukan masalah aku bukan masalah kau. Kau boleh tak focus yang kawan kau ni jenis tak ambil pusing apa orang nak kata? Kadang-kadang aku rasa baik untuk tidak bersuara. First, C tu lagi berumur dan lebih berpengalaman dari aku so confirm opinions aku akan dibangkang sebab aku muda lagi dan belum mengenal dunia sebenar. Second, aku bersuara pun dia akan anggap aku degil so baik diam je. Third, aku bagi savage remarks pun kau akan ketawa dan anggap aku punya remarks adalah comel. So yeah. Aku kena menghormati C yang lagi tua dan lagi berpengalaman dan aku patut terima semua pendapat dia. Dia touching melebih so aku kena touching melebih jugak. Walaupun aku rasa certain things are not offensive, aku kena anggap benda tu offensive. Why? Older and wiser people are always right. Orang muda tak akan pernah tahu apa-apa.

Rant alert

I’ve been keeping this in my chest for quite awhile. Now I’m just going to let it out.

What is your problem that you need to have each and every opinion about my life and other people’s? Is your life that boring that you have to comment of others? Are you that well-versed in life that you need to impart your ‘knowledge’ even though no one ask? Just because you’re older and wiser, you think you have the rights to tell people who lead totally different life from you.

You expect guys who are younger than you (10 years younger that is and just got a job in a fresh grad position) to live independently and when he wanted to move back in to his parents’ house, you demonise him? He’s working in London and his parents are in London (zone 6). For him to stay in central London, not only is uneconomical but stupid. Family duduk London tapi bantai nak move out kat London jugak! Tak ke membazir duit? Central London bukannya murah! Duit yang dia guna untuk sewa rumah tu boleh save guna BELI rumah. Bukan kat zone 1, zone 5, zone 6 tu dah kira bagus pasal still in London. Nak demonise dia buat apa? Pasal dia tak independent pasal nak duduk bawah ketiak mak bapak? Come on lah! Fikir jauh sikit boleh tak? Mungkin dia duduk rumah parents bukan pasal nak bermanja-manja. Mungkin dia nak save duit untuk beli rumah. Bila dah kawin, tak main nak sewa-sewa ni, of course nak beli rumah. Plus, kau kata dia dulu sewa dengan flatmates. Mana lah tau flatmates dia macam taik? Lepas tu time dating, you expect him to pay for dinner. Okay lah, I’ll consider that if you’re meeting for drinks, you’ll pay. Come on lah, kau ada duit, dia ada duit, tak boleh tolong sikit-sikit ke? Tak payah lah bayar the whole bill. Kau bayar untuk dia, dia bayar untuk kau, settle. Sebenarnya, sebagai seorang feminist egalitarian, aku tak sangat tak suka dating etiquette sebab dia outdated. Semua benda laki kena buat. Lelaki kena harung onak duri untuk dapatkan the girl. Bullshit! Zaman dulu memang lah logik pasal perempuan tak kerja. Skang ni, wanita dah ada kerja, pegang duit sendiri, dah ada property sendiri. Not that women don’t have expectations when it comes to dating, we do. Don’t be yourself, don’t eat too much, don’t show that you’re interested, blablabla. Pendek kata, semua ada expectations tapi lain: lelaki punya expectation ialah ‘buat’ manakala perempuan punya ialah ‘jangan buat’. Stress okay.

Expectation yang kau letak kat laki umur lewat 30-an hingga 40-an tu kau tak boleh letak kat laki umur 20-an hingga awal 30-an. Time tu diorang belum stabil lagi. Gaji cukup untuk support diri je. Sekali-sekala boleh lah splurge sikit-sikit. Time tu baru mula kerja. Jangan expect gaji GBP10,000 sebulan. Kalau gaji GBP2,000 tu dah kira bersyukur lah tu. So dah tau mamat tu baru start kerja, tak payah lah nak mintak lebih-lebih.

And, apa masalah kau kat budak-budak undergrad yang parents tanggung? Siap cakap “diorang ni parents tanggung. Setiap bulan belanja GBP4,000 untuk alcohol.” Macam lah kau tak buat! Cuma beza dia, budak-budak tu guna duit mak bapak, kau guna duit orang bayar cukai. Of course, kau kena bayar balik but still, guna duit orang lain jugak. Lepas tu mengomen pasal kawan yang duduk student accommodation mahal sebab parents dia kaya parents dia tanggung. Apa masalah kau sebenarnya? Kau dah ada kerja stabil, pegang jawatan tinggi tapi kenapa bitter kat budak-budak yang masih dalam tanggungan parents diorang? Habis aku? Aku pun parents tanggung tapi kau macam, ‘kau takpe.’ Okay, pelik tapi whatever.

And apa maksud istilah ‘proper date’? Perlu ke dia menapak ke rumah aku dan ambik aku? Perlu ke dia cakap itu adalah date? Does he have to give me flowers? Does he have to walk on fire? Apa masalah kau bila aku dengan mamat AK tu setakat keluar hang out? We are friends and I just want to be friends with him first. Aku tau kau takut mamat tu main-main je. Here’s the thing: mamat tu biar aku risaukan untuk kau, aku tak tau mamat tu suka aku ke tak, aku memang nak kawan dulu and aku baru kenal dia berapa bulan je. Bagi aku tak cukup untuk take it to the next step. Parents aku kawan dulu selama setahun baru start dating. Plan aku ialah enjoy each other’s company while we can cause I’m leaving in September. You told me not to make myself too available. Bila, girl? Time dia free kebetulan aku pun free. Aku bukannya selalu keluar dengan dia pun. Dia free, aku keluar lah. And fikir lah sikit, yang jadual ketat tu dia, bukan aku. So yang perlu give and take adalah aku. Takut he’s stringing me along? No! We both know we’re going out as friends. We know it’s based on friendship. I want to take it slow. Nobody is wasting anybody’s time. You are wasting your time with some mofos that you met in dating sites. To be totally honest, kalau mulut aku macam kau, aku lagi hentam mamat-mamat tu kaw-kaw punya. I know that he’s going to be in London his whole life and I’m going to be back in Malaysia. Sayang-sayang pun aku tetap nak balik. You think I’m going to meet better guys? Yeah, maybe. Too bad I’m not interested. So, I don’t think I’m wasting my time on him.

Aku pun dulu percaya jugak advice yang kau bagi (tapi bukan kau bagi tapi orang lain). Siap baca dan ambik advice dari Thought Catalog bulat-bulat. “I value myself, that’s why I refuse to hang out but insist you ask me out on a proper date.” Tulah sebab dulu aku hampir jadi psycho. Demand sana, demand sini. Jadi selfish buta. Pasal kau aku fikir tak tentu pasal. Pasal kau lah aku asyik sangak buruk kat orang. Semua pasal kau!!! Bukan pasal mamat tu.

Don't show off your good life?

Even though I can see the point of why we should not show off our good life because someone out there are suffering, I disagree.

Why?

I'm struggling to find a spouse but I love seeing pictures of my friends getting married because it helps me to reassure myself that getting married ain't bad despite being super scared about it at the same time. (Plus, I get to "borrow" your ideas. #SisOpportunist )

I love it when my friends post their pregnancy pictures. It means that they're one step closer to become parents.

I love it when my friends post pictures of their purchases. They work hard and I think they deserve to treat themselves in any way they want. I can't afford it? No problem. I'll find something else that I can afford.

I love it when my friends posted pictures of the meals that they have. Doesn't matter that they're lavish or not. It shows them that they are able to feed themselves.

I like to see all those posts. I like to see people who seem to do better than I do. Why? If I care a lot about the person and I see that they do well while I'm still trying to figure things out, I'll go, "At least this person is doing okay." One less problem for me to worry about.

Whenever I feel sad, I actually like viewing those kind of posts. They make me smile and feel good. They make me feel that my problems are temporary and they can be settled. I feel more energized and inspired. I don't need people to tell me that there are more people out there who had it worse than me. It just gonna make me feel guilty and less likely to solve anything. Want me to be more appreciative, list down my strengths and privileges. Or, just say, "You actually can handle things pretty well."

While it's good to be considerate about other people who are struggling, please also consider the fact that your posts might make a person smile. The world is cruel, especially now. It's sadistic, crazy, backstabbing and bloodthirsty. I am a misanthropic bitch and I constantly fear for my life. While I know that there are good people out there, I constantly need reminders that despite all the shit happening in this world, at least the people I know are doing fine. So I can suck it up and relax. See, this is the foolproof way to make me suck it up; by letting me know you're doing fine so I can suck it up and not ruin your parade.

Thanks.

Kau rasa bagus ke?

Kau ambil gambar seorang gadis yang rambutnnya terkeluar dari tudungnya
Kau siarkan gambar tersebut dan lemparkan cacian kepadanya
Rakan-rakan kau turut serta dan turut membesarkan isu ini
Rakan-rakan kau pula puji kau seolah-olah kau si adiwira dalam novel

Kau ambil gambar jejaka yang mempunyai ukiran di belakangnya
Kau sebarkannya ke pengikut kau
Mereka turut serta menyerangnya
Mereka memuji kau seolah-olah kau telah berkhidmat kepada masyarakat

Kau nampak gambar bayi bermata satu
Kau sebarkan kepada semua orang
Mereka turut serta mengutuknya dan memanggilnya Dajjal
Mereka bertanya adakah dunia akan kiamat

Aku cuma mahu bertanya satu soalan
Mungkin empat
Mungkin ada lagi

Bila kau buat ni, kau rasa bagus ke?
Bila kau buat ni, kau lebih baik daripada semua?
Bila kau buat ni, rakan-rakan kau ingat kau bijak?
Bila kau buat ni, kau manusia baik ke?

Kau rasa bijak sekarang, mohon jawab
Kau mahu serang aku dan rendahkan aku?
Kau rasa perlu untuk kau dedahkan kelemahan aku?
Kerana aku rasa kau sudah melampau.

Respect

People say respect must be earned. It's true.
People say that the younger generations must respect the older generation, that is true as well.

However respect is a two-way thing. I don't believe the crap that the elders must be respected and the youngs must be loved. No, bitch! That ain't how I jive. Both generations must love and respect each other. How do you expect the younger generation to respect the elders when the elders fail to show respect to the youngs as well?

Yes, the young ones must show respect first but the elders must show it later as well.
Stop treating the young ones like kids cause they will never grow up if you do.

But that's not really what I want to talk about. I want to talk about respecting one's opinions and choices.

Respect the opinions of the person even though you don't agree with them.
As long as their opinions do not condone any violence or insult anything or disrupt peace on earth, just let it slide.
You can choose not to believe in peaceful rally or demonstration but respect the ones who believe in it.
If you disagree, do it in an academic way, ie: give reasons on why you don't think the way they do.
Don't go around making personal attacks on them. That's just juvenile.

Respect the boundaries that people set for themselves.
Allow them to stand their grounds when it matters to them.
If a girl refused to go out with you for certain reasons, listen to her explanation.
Don't just beg her until she relents.

Respect the person's choices as long as they're not detrimental.
If they choose to seek professional help, don't talk them out of it.
They might sense something might be wrong in them.
If they choose to wear a colour that they're comfortable with, let them.
You're not shoes. Why the hell should you run their life?

Respect the person's words and listen to them fully.
Don't just jump into conclusions without the full details.
Respect the reasons behind their words.
Respect the tears that they shed and the laugh that they burst.

Respect every yes you get. Respect every no and maybe you get as well.
Don't go on begging and begging until you lose it all.

Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan adab jika kamu sendiri biadap
Usah mengadu gadis hilang kehormatan jika kamu sendiri tidak hormati mereka
Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan harga diri jika kamu sendiri yang merendahkan mereka
Usah mengadu gadis asyik termakan pujuk rayu lelaki jika kamu sendiri yang memujuk rayu
Usah mengadu yang si tua tidak peduli jika kamu sendiri tidak pedulikan mereka
Usah mengadu dia melawan jika kamu sendiri yang menggari tangannya
Usah mengadu mereka tidak pandai jika kamu sendiri mengajar benda yang salah
Usah mengadu bila mereka diam jika kamu sendiri yang kunci mulut mereka
Usah mengadu orang lain tidak ada agama jika kamu sendiri tidak berperikemanusiaan

Dalam erti kata lain mengata dulang paku serpih, mengata orang dia yang lebih
Dalam erti kata lain usah gelar cerek itu hitam jika kamu sendiri adalah kuali dan arang
Dalam erti kata lain cermin diri dahulu sebelum menghakimi orang lain
Dalam erti kata lain benarkan mereka hidup dengan kehidupan mereka dan pilihan mereka.

Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer part 3 (trendsetter edition)

Yoyoyo fellas! It's been awhile since I update this space. Now it's time for 'Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer' series. Part 1 was for the general stuff. Part 2 was for the special Bridezilla edition. Now Part 3 is for the trendsetter edition.

:: This is the part where we throw colorful confettis and play party horns ::

I was blogwalking one day browsing through Facebook and stumbled upon my friend's blog post that he shared on Facebook. His name is Rizal Yaakub and y'all can view his entry here. I really find his post interesting that I'm inspired to write a response post to it. I ain't gonna critic his post. Since he's talking about wedding trends, I figure that some trends are so cliche and why don't I make my own trend. Cool huh?

1. Bachelorette party
   The key focus of this party is to celebrate freedom (and loss of it). It must consist of the things that the bride-to-be likes. In my case, my party gotta have chocolates, laughter, music, dance and me getting a henna tattoo of a dragon at the back of my lower waist. In fact, everybody's getting a henna tattoo. And it gotta be private as in a small group of 6 to 7 girls getting together and enjoy ourselves as you know single people. And, Adrien Brody movie marathon. And it gotta be in a private place where there's lots of privacy. And at the same time, cheap. Kartika Sari party at my house yo!

2. Post-wedding photoshoots
   I'm going to borrow someone's DSLR and a super high mega pixel camera phone and let them shoot away. I just have to feed them good food and butt kiss them now and then. PS: Butt kiss means boost their ego by complimenting excessively. Okay. Maybe I'll have to pay for the paper and the printer (and the ink). Dude, I'm slightly old-fashioned.

3. Anniversary dinners
   It has to be done at home where there's only two of us cause I need an excuse to wear LBD/LWD/L-insertanycolour-D. Cause I wear hijab already, I ain't gonna wear short dresses in public. Ain't nobody got balls for that!

4. Engagement ceremony/get-together
   This involves me wire-tapping my dad and/or male relatives so that I can hear how they negotiate me cause I'm an interested party. I also can act as an observer to observe the setting. This will only be a low key setting whereby only immediate family members from both sides are to attend. No dulang hantarans yet cause it ain't official yet. It's GST season. Save your money!

5. Wedding discussion meeting
   Military style background music are to be played at all times. Hey, have you been to a wedding? It sometimes feels like you're in an imaginary unrealistic battlefield cause you're too scared/unsuitable for the real thing. I blame my anxiety.

That's all I guess. I'll put more later if I have the chance.

Cheers.

Things that people say to hijabis that irritates me

Yes, people. I have now decided to wear the hijab. The feeling? Good cause I've been thinking about it since last year. However, ever since before I don the hijab, people have been saying stuff to hijabis which irritates me to the core and here it is.

Disclaimer: Some of the things here are not really what has been said to a hijabi but what I foresee what they will say to me. And, some don't really apply to hijabis but I just want to bring it here to show how much we never give our girls a break.

• That girl wears a hijab but she smokes/do any immoral activities
  As much as I agree, hijabis come with a responsibility cause we've got our aurats covered, doesn't mean you can demonize us even more compared to our non-hijabi counterpart cause dude, you're all covered up and you smoke but I never say anything (even though I should)
• Wear bawal, shawls are weird
  Seriously dude? Shut up! I ain't liking that lollipop coloured pants either but I respect your freedom of expression.
• Why the hell are they wearing heavy makeup? Au naturel is beautiful
  Well, we are told to conceal our beauty and since you told us that, heavy makeup seems to work in concealing our beauty.
• Why do you wear a hijab? Are you getting married?
  What? So, I have to get married first in order for me to wear hijab in peace? How nice.
• You're carrying the name of Islam, you should watch yourself.
  So are the non-hijabis and you.
• You look scary in that(this doesn't really apply to hijabis only. This basically applies to girls who like to wear bold colours/makeup).
  My plan work... perfectly.
• Why do you even wear a hijab? It's oppressive.
  Cause it helps me to tone down your oppressive speech.
• Are you wearing it to attract a guy?
  If I wanna attract a guy, I'll do the bend and snap.
• You wear hijab and you skateboard/go to rock concerts/party? What will the non-Muslims say?
  They don't care.
• You can't be a feminist now.
  Really? Just watch me.
• Look at the hijabis nowadays. They look weird with the way they do their hijab and they look too stylish.
  Ever heard of the term 'freedom of expression'?
• You can't wear pants when you wear the hijab.
  Ever heard of palazzo and wide legs? By the way, straight cut and bootlegs aren't what you call body-wrapping.
• That hijabi wears jeans!
  You think skinny jeans and jeggings are the only jean style?????
• Since you behaved this way, better not wear a hijab at all.
  Since, you're talking this way, better take off all your clothes and go streaking.
• You should be more modest in your dressing. Stop being so stylish.
  You should stop wearing Ben Shermans and Hugo Boss' perfume.
• Lucky you. You don't have to spend time and money on your hair.
  For your information, I still buy argan oil for my hair and flat iron it.
• You wear a hijab and still foul-mouthed?
  You're all covered and still foul-mouthed?

I am not condoning any immoral acts or whatsoever. It just drives me nuts when people you know, are super harsh towards hijabis when they made a mistake. It just drives me nuts. Just because a girl wears a hijab, doesn't mean they have to perfect. Yes, they do carry the name of Islam but so do the non-hijabis and so are the men who don't wear robes and turbans. The reason why a lot of pressure is put on the hijabis and men who wore robes and turbans are because we look at them and bam! We know they're Muslims. We tend to be super harsh on them whenever they screw up which is not fair. Everybody makes mistakes. If they sinned, call out against the sin not relate it to their clothes. It's freaking annoying cause it actually put me off and I was like, "I ain't joining their bandwagon." It's high time that we let our people cover their aurat the way they see fit as long as it fits the basics. By the way, modesty doesn't equal to drabby. You can still be modest and presentable at the same time. Moderation is the key. Take time to change cause it's actually a journey.

Relationship tips from a single person

People keep saying to never take relationship advice from someone who is single cause what do they know about relationships right? Well, as a single person I can tell you guys that we singles see some screw-ups in your relationships and you guys actually come to us complaining about your relationship problems. Sometimes you guys fight over the simplest of things but we try to understand lah. Here are some tips for you people in a relationship that I think would be useful.


1. Love is all about teamwork.

Love and relationships are never games. But somehow I see people treat it like so which screws the relationship. Chasing is a thrill but once you guys get together, it's no longer cat and mouse chase anymore. It's all about teamwork. Work together with your partner to make the relationship work. Treat it like you would if it's a business entity. Relationship is a partnership after all. I mean, a relationship cannot work if both parties or one party do not take it seriously and refuse to cooperate right?


2. Be proactive

Girls, don't expect guys to make the first move all the time. Guys, don't be so lazy after asking her out for a first date. If you guys want to get together, plan it. It doesn't really matter who instigate it, what matters is that plans are made. Don't complain that the other party doesn't put in an effort to get together. If you want it, ask.


3. Get your partner's free dates

If you guys work in a legal environment, especially litigation you guys know what I mean. I noticed that this thing is taken really lightly but asking for your partner's free dates in advance is important so that you guys can actually plan to spend time together. Cause seriously, constantly postponing a get-together is really irritating. People don't really mind if you guys have to postpone for some emergency, but constantly postponing it? Seriously? Better not go out at all.


4. Communicate, communicate, communicate

Some of you guys really lack communications. Communication is very important in letting your partner know what you need, what you want and stuff. People are not mind readers so if you want something, ask for it. If you feel dissatisfied or happy, voice it out. Talk it out lah. Be professional about it. Don't shout or accuse each other. Start with things like "I feel that..." so at least the other party can explain themselves without getting too defensive. Make sure you guys understand each other to avoid any misunderstandings. Cause based on my observation, it's one of the reasons relationships screw up.


5. Don't set unrealistic expectations

We girls are guilty of this, me included. I do expect my texts to be returned on time and I get agitated when my calls are unanswered and rejected and when texts don't get replied on time. I know I shouldn't get so irritated but I do have friends who took months to reply and the one who never replies yet accuses me of never keeping in touch. I don't really expect texts to be returned there and then but hey, anytime you guys are online would be fine. And I'm talking about friends of the same gender.

What I'm trying to say is that please do not expect a lot from your partner. Some of us actually need coaxing and reminders. Hate to break it to you guys about this but sometimes we have to act like a secretary. You know what, don't expect at all.


6. I don't care if you're my best friend in the whole wide world but if you cheat on your partner, I'm on their side.

I may not like your partner but if you cheat on them, I'm always on their side. I don't care what are your reasons for cheating, I will still think that you're an asshole. No offence lah. When you cheat, it doesn't only affect your partner, it affects everybody in your circle whether you notice it or not. I know this one couple (they were) who both of them are my friends and I'm closer to the dude. When I found out that he cheated on his (ex) girlfriend, I chose to side with her. Not because she's a girl or that she's younger than me. It's just I saw how her hurt she was and how it devastated her. It just makes me so angry that I fear that this thing will happen to me in the future. It gives me a twisted opinion about love and relationship altogether. Besides, scoffing at the word 'love' and 'relationship' is actually pathetic.

If you apologize, it's actually up to your partner whether to forgive you or not. To be totally honest, I would forgive my partner if he cheats on me but I will only do it once. If he cheats again, I'm burning his car. And, don't complain that your partner turns into a monster when they find out you cheated, YOU are the one that turned them into a monster that they feared they will turn.


7. Don't make promises that you can't keep

When you promise to keep in touch, please do. When you promise a second outing, do it. When you promise to wish good morning and good night everyday without fail, do it. When you promise not to hurt your partner, don't hurt them. Making promises cause the other party to expect and it hurts when you don't carry out. I have guys who after getting my number and saying that we should keep in touch never did and guys who promised a second outing never bother to even reply my text. What I'm trying to say is that screw being polite. If you don't feel like keeping in touch or go out with me for the second time, don't suggest it to me or give me ideas. It's fucking irritating. Heck! I never did. Why do you guys think I never ask for a guy's number no matter how cute or nice they are? Cause when I don't want to keep in touch with them, I just keep quiet and say bye. Yeah, I'm bitter but what do I care? I've been stabbed in the back by 4 guys (actually it's more) and their knives are still there. It doesn't really help that two of them stabbed me 50 times!!!! Guys, just stab it in the heart and be done with it, please!

Felt the burn or the stab? Good. Cause that means that it works. I blog about this topic with that intention. Don't worry. I felt it too.

Inb4: Kau single baik takyah cakap pasal relationship lah!!

Cause I will be labelled as a cheapskate tradition destroyer part 2 (special Bridezilla edition)

I know that I'll be a Bridezilla for my own wedding.

To my future husband aka Jeremy ahem Lin:

• No. We are not doing a samurai-geisha photoshoot!
• No. We're soooo not getting a fake tan!
• No. I'm not going to dressed up as a zombie.
• Yes. We can have faux flowers for our wedding.
• Yes. You can wear a suit.
• Can I wear a sari/cheongsam for your side's reception?
• Can I invite the Maccabeats over to sing at our wedding? They're cheaper than CN Blue.
• What about Lindsey Stirling?
• Josh Ruben from CollegeHumor? I mean, he's really funny when he played Mama in Precious Plum.
• Can we like take the road not taken for our honeymoon? I'm thinking of Bran's Castle in Romania.
• Can I not invite my ex-boyfriend (if I have one) over. I mean, he's an ex for a reason.
• Can we do a Linsanity handshake?
• I love you.

To the caterers:

• Can we please have bigger chicken parts?
• Can you please peel and devein the shrimps?
• Can we please have a nice bowl of hearty rice porridge and condiments instead of the usual nasi minyak?
• Can we go Arabian instead? Lamb kabsa is the new red velvet.
• Can we please have a hearty bowl of soup for everybody?
• It's telur pindang or telur pindang. But, tea eggs are fine too.Scratch that. Let's go for a jar of honey or a bag full of candies instead.
• Can we please have chocolate cake with chocolate frosting?
• Can the cake please be just one-tier? I mean, not everybody's going to eat it.
• Delicious food, guys. Good job!

To the wedding dress boutique owners:

• Can I wear my wedding dress to other functions?
• Can we please keep beadings and sequins to a minimal?
• No, I am not going to wear a Marie Antionette inspired gown. I mean, I only have a little neck.
• Do I look fat and disproportionate in this dress?
• Can I have a boho-inspired peasant dress instead like the one I meant to write for Alexa and Peter's wedding for my up and coming fiction?
• I want a black suit for my husband. Not gray, not striped. Not medieval inspired either unless our wedding is Halloween themed.
• No. I'm not going to wear the braless, backless, sleeveless and skimpy wedding dresses.
• Can I please have a dress that says 'sweet' instead of 'hot'?
• Thank you.

To the guests:

• No alcohol please. This is a wedding, not a pub.
• We will not be held responsible for any injury, death, broken bones, severed body parts, blood spillage, not being able to catch the bouquet during bouquet toss, fights, breakups, riots, mutiny, insanity or Linsanity, infection, zombie apocalypse, saseng fans syndrome and everything that you can expect a typical wedding's fuck-ups.
• Please take care of your children. There are fragile things here.
• No fighting.
• No, we ain't playing Crazy Frog and Avicii. This is a wedding, not a rave.
• Thank you for coming.

To our families:

• No fighting.
• Can we please not have a tepung tawar and any of those renjis-renjis stuff?
• You wanna invite the whole clan???? How are we going to pay for that?????
• You know the song that goes like: Dia datang (insert beat) dengan lenggang lingguknya? We ain't playing that.
• Our theme is white or cream. Full stop.