Privacy Control

 You wanna know what would be good?

If Blogger has either the password-protected or private posting enabled just like LJ & Wordpress.

Cause better privacy control.

Kau tak nak try ke?

T: Kau tak nak try mamat tu ke? Aku bawak kau lepak dengan dia nanti. Confirm kau suka.

Aku: Entah lah, babe. Aku tak pernah cakap pun dengan mamat tu. Plus, bagi aku mamat tu menakutkan. Ya lah. Orang kata dia baik tapi demeanour dia yang scary tu menyebabkan aku batalkan niat aku untuk bagi salam pun kat mamat tu.

T: Engkau ni. Sejak putus cinta ni, semua tak nak. Kata dah over dah!

Aku: Memang lah aku dengan Y dah over. Aku pun dah terima kenyataan dah yang aku dan Y mungkin tak akan reconnect sama cam aku dengan M. 

T: Kau ni baru putus dengan dua orang pun dah give up. Takkan lah trauma sangat! Ke ada something else?

Ya. Mungkin ada something else. Something yang aku sembunyikan selama ini. It could have been him but I choose not to. Tak dinafikan S memang handsome and ramai kata dia baik. Ramai memang nak kat dia tapi bukan aku. Bukan sebab S ni not my type. No, that's not it. Kalau boleh DAN dia sudi, nak je. Come on lah! Bayangkan umur kau 14 tahun and ramai orang cakap yang kau ni hodoh macam babi and this guy sorang je yang rasa kau lawa DAN dia syok kat kau, dah lah hot pulak tu! Kau rasa? Aku on je sebab bila orang cakap aku hodoh, boleh je aku sound balik, "Aku kisah apa kau cakap? Boyfriend aku hot dowh! And dia pun cakap aku hot!"

Which is memang best lah kalau betul-betul berlaku? Hakikatnya, kau nak tegur dia pun takut. Mentang-mentang lah mata dia tajam ala guillotine yang pancung orang. Honestly, aku takde mood nak kena pancung. Orang lain pasang life goals, aku pun ada siap ada death goals lagi. Ya, ramai ada death goals tapi aku saja nak cakap yang aku pun ada (gitu!). And, death goals aku adalah untuk mati macam anime, dalam keadaan one piece (geddit?) & in peace. 

Also, another hakikat: dia tu ada girlfriend so takkan lah dia senang-senang nak lepaskan girlfriend dia. Okay, aku tau ke dia tu actually ada girlfriend? Actually, no. But come on, muka camtu takkan takde. Unless parents dia jenis cam parents aku, no dates until university graduation. Even if mamat tu at that time, single mingle makan pringle cam aku, do you think he fancies me? Aku tak tau AND aku malas nak ambik tau sebab time tu memang tak boleh ada romantic relationship so bila orang tu suka balik kat kau, memang problem lah.

And even if dia suka aku pun, it's going to be awkward. Adik dia batchmate aku and kawan-kawan aku ramai kawan dengan dia sooo.... faham-faham je lah. Aku dan adik dia, Q bukannya rapat mana. Setakat jadi classmates time form 1 je. And the only interaction we had was just saying hi to each other, itu pun ada incident dengan S yang membuat aku tak rapat dengan Q. Not gonna lie, what S did was to protect Q. Q is a nice guy. Annoying but a nice guy. Rupa pun boleh tahan tapi tak boleh kalah dengan S lah. However, ikut sexuality and cara aku bercinta, most likely aku pilih Q berbanding S.

Context: Aku dan adik aku tengah berjogging (read: berjalan) kat park dekat rumah aku. Sambil-sambil tu ada dua orang mamat yang aku tak kenal ni pandang aku semacam. Aku takut so aku cepatkan lah pace aku sampai aku terserempak dengan S dan Q. Niat nak menegur Q tapi S caught my eyes and I found him scary. Cara dia pandang pun menunjukkan yang dia ni tak trust aku around Q soooo... okay, aku minta diri dulu. Tak ambik hati pun. Aku faham that he's just doing his job as a brother so sebagai seorang kakak, ada unsur kindred spirit di situ. Jadi abang atau kakak kena ada at least a Resting Murder Face (RMF) ya kawan-kawan. Bukan apa, time tu adik aku kena buli dengan peers dia and aku sebagai kakak cam gagal to protect him sebab bullies dia dah lah besar, pandai pukul pulak tu. Entitled gila tahap gampang tu tak payah cerita lah. Pernah aku defend adik aku sikit, terus kena marah. Like excuse me? Ni adik siapa? Aku ke kau? Kau entitled sangat nak buli adik aku pehal? Takut kena jadi baja untuk pokok Vicenzo ke kalau kau tak buli adik aku?

And also, nak dijadikan cerita: time tu aku minat gila kat si R. Dia takdelah handsome mana compared to S tapi aku faham lah why girls semua minat gila kat mamat ni. Comel, tinggi, kurus and a very peaceful aura and demeanour. So now you alls tau kan kenapa aku pilih untuk crush on R berbanding S? (Nak minat orang pun boleh pilih? Memang pragma style sangat ya Diyana Munira ni.) 

BIG. MISTAKE.

Aku confessed kat si R ni. Dia pergi bagitau SATU batch, as in the WHOLE FREAKING BATCH!!!!!!! 

AKU CONFESS, PANDAI-PANDAI LAH KAU SIMPAN, BODOH! BAGITAU SATU BATCH YANG MANA SEMUA ORANG LAGI GOOD LOOKING DARI KAU TU BUAT APA?

Another fun fact: S satu batch dengan R okay! Satu platoon dalam scouts also which Q pun ada. 

Kau rasa muka aku nak letak kat mana? Actually aku tebalkan je muka aku. Hadap je lah. Aku rasa pun aku ada contribute sedikit dalam incident tersebut. Ya lah, aku dengan excitednya bagitau my friends yang aku confess which is new at that time sebab aku ni jenis minat dalam diam lepas tu pergi mereput kat tepi katil bila crush couple dengan orang lain. So dengan aku confess ni kira achievement unlocked lah. Also, kawan-kawan dia tu kacau dia, bukan aku. I mean, they tried tapi either aku confused atau aku tengah sibuk cuci mata tengok budak-budak scouts yang lain (cheh!). Diyana had a thick skin after all tapi not gonna lie, second-hand embarassment tu ada. Tapi okay lah S ni tak join in dalam kacau-mengacau aku ataupun si R. Dia hanya pandang aku dari jauh dengan RMF atau dengan muka yang paling judgmental yang aku pernah tengok. Either way, aku okay je sebab aku ada masalah lain so aku rasa dia tak payah menyibuk.

Not gonna lie lah, kalau boleh communicate dengan S telepathically tu mungkin akan jadi camni:

Aku: YANG KAU NI ASYIK NAK PANDANG AKU CAMTU PEHAL? BERSYUKUR LAH AKU MINAT KAT R BUKAN KAT KAU! KALAU KAU NANTI SATU HAL LAH PULAK!

S: MASALAHNYA, ADIK AKU LAGI HANDSOME KOT! KALAU TAK NAK, COUSINS AKU PUN BOLEH! TAPI MAMAT TU JUGAK KAU PILIH! MANA AKU TAK JUDGE KAU, YOU TELL ME!!!!!!!!!

Ni author's imagination lah. Conversation might be different soooo.... whatever lah. Benda dah lepas. Aku dan R are on friendly terms. Mamat tu dah kawin and ada anak so boleh tutup buku lah. However, had to admit that 2002-2003 adalah time yang mana it contributes to the bulk of my character development. Nak kata darkest moment of my life, takde lah jugak sebab I was doing academically well. But then again, time tu lah aku berkawan rapat dengan W dan W ni tipu aku yang R ni suka kat aku balik (walaupun gut feelings aku kata otherwise). And, W lah penyumbang utama kenapa I decided to sign up for therapy session. Nampaknya, impact W runs deep. But that's another story. Sooo, kalau kau budak 88-liner and 86-liner yang nak aku spill tea, roger2 lah ya. Kita pergi mengopi. 

Back to the story, B suggest aku lepak dengan dia and S. Tengok character dia camana. Boleh je. Dia bawak Q pun aku happy. Lama aku tak jumpa mamat tu. Mana lah tau mungkin aku dan S boleh jadi best friends walaupun cukup lah F dari law school tu jadi best friend aku. Aku punya experience dengan W ni buat aku rasa serik cari best friends. Heck even most of my friends memang at arm's length. Compared to putus cinta, betrayal hits the worst. So yeah. Mungkin sebab walaupun aku open nak berkenalan secara platonic dengan S & reconnect dengan Q, aku rasa cam dreading. Sebab? Nanti bila dah rapat sangat, aku rasa overwhelmed. 

Memang aku takut kat S sampai aku dan Q tak bertegur sapa. Nak kata S main contributor, bukan. Cuma aku rasa sebab circle of friends kita lain dan kemungkinan besar aku tak suka kawan-kawan dia walaupun pada hakikatnya selepas C (kawan satu sekolah dan juga satu law school) & A (satu gang dengan Q) couple, aku rasa happy. Even aku happy gila tengok A datang ke our graduation. I honestly think A ni boyfriend yang baik (now dah jadi suami dan ayah dah). Mungkin sebab bias aku sendiri dan juga pengaruh W yang menyebabkan aku turut tak bertegur dengan diorang.

Tapi aku sedar yang ultimate reason kenapa aku takut sangat kat S ni mungkin actually aku bukan takut kat mamat tu pun. Aku malu. Malu pasal the R incident. Yes, what was 14-year-old Diyana thinking? So faham-faham lah air muka aku time tu camana. R hebohkan confession aku kat semua kawan-kawan dia, termasuk S. So yeah. Mungkin aku selesa S dan aku tak bertegur langsung dan hanya acknowledge existence dari jauh adalah pasal tu. Apa-apa je lah. The fact that aku tergerak untuk send request kat si Q tu mungkin petanda Illahi bahawa I may have gotten it wrong with the brothers. This means segala bias, judgments dan tanggapan terhadap mereka dan juga tanggapan aku terhadap A dan rakan-rakannya mungkin salah. Ya lah. Selepas SPM baru kau tau orang yang selalu kacau kau, iaitu T rupanya baik gila nak mampus. Hmmm... mungkin betul kata Y. By this time, most of us dah matured dah so mana yang still kecam aku pasal the R incident tu memang betul-betul tak matang lah. Insya Allah. Aku berharap begitu lah, sis. 

#1: Ya, memang aku lagi percaya kat Y aka ex-boyfriend aku daripada W yang konon best friend aku yang kenal dah lama. Kalau kau dalam position aku, mungkin kau akan faham why i trust my ex more than my so-called best friend (now ex-best friend lah).

#2 Kepada yang ada niat nak cakap, "Lah! Kau ni nak reconnect belum tentu diorang nak." Well, it happens. Once aku dah get the ball rolling, it ain't my problem anymore. So if diorang tak nak, okay je. 

Not so FAQs but I somewhat knew you might ask me anyway

Based on the last post where I review period panties, I can basically guess questions that some people are going to ask me.

1) Does it ACTUALLY work?

Yeah, it does.

2) Free bleed? Ewww!!!

Sis, it's leak proof period panties designed to trap all that blood! If you feel THAT disgusted, just wear a freaking pad/tampon/cup over it.

3) Don't you feel disgusted?

It's my own blood, dammit! I'm not even going to do anything to it. Just wash it off. Kalau aku nak ikut rasa malu aku tu, dah lama aku buang rahim.

PS: I'm actually in awe at girls (who already got their periods) who got grossed out at CLEAN sanitary pads. Like, girl. What?

4) Tak malu ke cerita pasal period?

Tak malu ke dah besar tapi masih anggap benda ni taboo?

5) Ni lah gadis-gadis zaman sekarang tak ada maruah cerita pasal benda ni. Zaman dulu-dulu malu nak cerita pasal benda ni.

Tulah sebabnya ramai perempuan tak tau pasal reproductive health diorang, sial! Nobody talks about this pasal malu. Your period tak datang even though you are over 16 years old? Still malu to talk bout it? Your period causes you to be so physically in pain that you can't get up? Still malu? Your period blood is soooooo out of control that you might suffer from excessive blood loss? Still malu? Even my science teacher and one motivational speaker who cam to my high school years ago admitted this reproductive health thing is a serious matter and THEY'RE BOTH MALE. Shut the fuck up.

PS: While I consider benda2 ni sometimes boleh settle melalui pemakanan but seriously, jumpa doctor dulu sebelum buat diagnosis sendiri.

6) Can I sleep in it?

You can try. Just put a towel or kain batik on the bed for safety measure.

7) Lecehnya nak kena basuh!

Okay, if you're Muslim or Asian or both, are you serious? We've been rinsing our pads, tampons and cups since we first got our periods. Why wanna gross out about period panties, meh?

8) Tengok budak ni! Tengah galak promote free bleeding! Di mana maruah gadis-gadis zaman sekarang?

First of all, the underwears are designed to hold blood so it doesn't leak out. Second, the intention of the underwears are to either eliminate the constant spending on pads, tampon and cups (cause trust me, they're expensive) or to act as a backup to them should you have any 'accidents' or 'shit, period aku awal sial!' moments.

[Review]: Period Panties by Thinx

Warning: This topic might be a taboo for some people and contain graphic TMI description so feel free to leave if you're feeling uncomfortable about this.

This topic is going to either be squeamish or interesting. Squeamish if you're a guy or have trouble with blood or if you're a girl that gets grossed out easily when hearing words like 'period', 'pads', 'tampons' and 'menstrual cup' (If you're above 18 and still grossed out, I'm judging you hard). Interesting if you're a girl who is either going through puberty or has gone through puberty or you're an attached man who TMI speaks with your partner or you're an open-minded woke single guy. We girls normally either use pads or tampons during our periods. Recently, there's been a rave about menstrual cup. I haven't use menstrual cup and I find tampons to be super mafan (troublesome). Now, a company called Thinx come up with this period panties that allow you to free bleed in them/serve as a backup for your pads, tampons, cups and liners. There's been some good reviews here, here and here and okay reviews here and here about them (and a slightly unfavouring review here). Long story short, I need to get myself some Thinx. Fortunately, somewhere in July, they were having this free shipping to UK and also a sale on the cycle set, meaning you build your own cycle set and depending on how many underwear you buy, you get some discount. I got myself five undies so I got 10% off (If I'm not mistaken). Yay! Then, Thinx decided to show up in London and I JUST HAD TO GO THERE to take a look and bought another 3 pairs (oops! Bank account, please forgive me). They come in various styles for different flow. Hi-Waist, Boyshort and Hiphugger are for the heaviest days. Sport for medium days and Cheeky and Thong for light days. I got them all (yes, including the Thong. Gasp!).

Oooh... so cute ^_^!!!!

Photo taken by me.

How it works

This is where I reproduce the whole thing from their website here.

"Basically...

Thinx is made up of four bits of tech that makes ‘em anti-microbial, moisture-wicking, absorbent, and leak-resistant. The top layer fights bacteria and absorbs any liquid into the über thin layer right beneath it, so you always stay dry. This way, you can wear 'em all day long. And no, they don't feel like diapers, and it's not like sitting in your own blood. Boom.

Yes, they are indeed reusable.
That's the point!

To take care of your Thinx, you rinse immediately after use, cold wash (waiting 'till laundry day is a-ok) and hang dry. Don’t use bleach or fabric softener! And yes, the rest of your clothes will be fiiine."

My experience

Day 1: Today is pretty light so I used a Cheeky just to experiment. My boyfriend had this Nike Night Run with his colleagues so being a good girlfriend, I tagged along to support them. Before that, we had late lunch at Bayswater then took a tube to London Bridge to go to the venue. Got home at 11. Slept using normal underwear and overnight pad.

Photo by Thinx

Duration of hour wearing them: Around 8-9 hours (Cheeky is said to absorb about 1 tampons worth of blood). Since this is my lightest day, it works great with no leaks.

Day 2: This is when it starts to get heavy. I wore a Beige Hiphugger, which has a black lining, which is really good. First 4 hours was good. I almost forgot that I'm bleeding. I literally didn't feel any soggyness at all. Sure, I felt the blood coming out but that's about it. When it comes to the sixth hour, I felt weird like that feeling that I feel when my pad is full. Lo and behold, it leaks at the sides. What a disaster. Okay, I'm exaggerating but you know, Thinx claimed that their undies are leak proof and you can basically wear them all day but at the same time they DID recommend use to wear them the #knowyourflow way. Plus, the Hiphugger is said to absorb about 2 tampons worth of blood. Sadly, I don't really wear tampons cause they're super mafan and the most successful attempt lasted 10 seconds. Thinx, you gotta come up with a pad absorbency  measurement.

It's a bit like Cheeky except for extra back coverage and the mesh detailing top
Photo by Thinx

Duration of hour wearing them: Around 6 hours. I recommend around 5 hours and change with another pair of Thinx or your usual go-to menstrual stuff.

Day 3: Heavy day for me so I was debating between a Boyshort or a Hi-Waist. Settled for a Boyshort cause homegirl wants to feel sexy. I find boyshorts sexy but they can be uncomfortable af especially when they're trying hard to be a thong, as in they ride up your butt. First, they're tight but actually the comfiest boyshort I've ever worn because I don't really need to keep adjusting in the toilet (though they rolled up in the inner thigh). It absorbs really well.

Photo by Thinx

Duration of hour wearing it: Longer than the Cheeky. I recommend up to 8 hours.

Day 4: This is somewhat medium to heavy day for me. I decided to try the Hi-Waist style. It was comfy. Despite being a high waisted brief, I feel kinda sexy (just like how I did with Boyshort) due to the sheer side with opaque middle design. I was skeptical about the sheer mesh because my experience with mesh ain't pretty like they tear easily but then again, I bought a shapewear in Bandung and the mesh is strong af. Like so strong it binds my stomach. Basically, I wore Hi-Waist for my BJJ class and I felt fine despite it cling to my body due to sweat. Other than that, it's fine. I don't feel any discomfort or wetness. I even forgot that I'm on period.

Do not fear the mesh. It's pretty strong.
Photo by Thinx
.

Duration of hour wearing it: About the same as Boyshort.

Day 5: Day 5 is usually medium to light day. It can be my lightest day as well. It depends. My average is about 7 days. I'm using Sport style which is basically a bikini style except more coverage (yay!). Since it was my light day (though I felt that I bleed more today than yesterday), I felt dry throughout the day. No leakage or anything.

Now I know why it's called Sport. It's a bit like a sports short except you know, it's an underwear.
Photo by Thinx

Day 6: Day 6 is my light day cause it's throughout the end of my period. So I decided to wear my Hiphugger (I bought 2) but decided to wear a pad with it.

PS: I didn't wear the Thong. I have no courage to wear it yet.

Sorry, sis. Maybe some other time (or not)?
Photo by Thinx

My thoughts

Do they work?

Hell yeah! I basically free bleed when I wear these babies. They absorb well and do the job. They're quite leak proof to an extent.

Will I recommend them?

Yes, for their functions. No, for the price. THINX ain't cheap, especially if you live outside USA. It costs about USD$24-39 per pair, depends on the style. Not only you have to take into account of currency conversion but also shipping fees and import duty. I was in the UK when I ordered it. The shipping was free since I ordered it during free shipping to UK promotion but I was slapped with about 15 GBP worth of import duty.

Other than the price, what are the other downsides of THINX?

Basically, you HAVE to know your own cycle. The heaviness or lightness of the flow depends from one person to another. I may have bleed more than one person and I may have bleed less than the other person. It was super hard to tell if you're 'full'. But then again, same thing for highly efficient absorbent pads (Kotex & Whisper, I'm talking to you). Basically, just treat THINX the same like you would treat your usual tampons, pads and cups.

To a certain extent, if you wear them for too long, they WILL smell. So, despite them saying you can wear them all day long, please don't. At least, get those deodorant for intimate parts (though I don't recommend using them every single day). Also, despite them saying it's leak proof, please try to take extra precaution on your heavy days. Like they also said #knowyourflow.

There is no other place to buy THINX other than their official website. There is no other way. Which actually sucks because they can run out really fast (especially the Hiphugger) and you will be competing with buyers from other parts of the world. Bummer.

For those who are not used to it, you can't simply toss it into your washing machine with the rest of your laundry. Just don't. You have to rinse it first. You can either rinse it with just water or rinse it with soapy water. I rinse mine with antibacterial hand soap. Might be mafan to some of you. However, if you're either from South/Southeast Asia or a Muslim, it might old news for you since we girls have been rinsing our pads/tampons/cups since we got our first one. Don't worry, the blood comes off well. Yes, there will be blood coming out so be prepared to bleach your sink or bathtub or the basin or wherever you guys rinse it.

Can I sleep in it?

Well, you can try. THINX basically claimed that you can sleep in it. My suggestion would be putting a towel or kain batik on the bed as a safety measure.

Who do you recommend it to?

• People who are willing to experiment on period panties.
• People who already know how their cycle is.
• People on the go
• People who are physically and socially active (that means you exercise and go out to meet your friends often, you nasty!)

Basically, here are the pros and cons of Thinx underwear.

Pros:

• It functions well
• Comes in different styles and absorbency rate
• Cute and stylish
• Comfortable
• It feels like a normal underwear
• Light
• Reusable
• Machine washable
• Stains come off easily while rinsing
• A really good investment
• You might forget that you're on your period

Cons:

• Expensive
• Limited colours (only in beige and black)
• Not available in retail or wholesale
• You can only get them at the official website
• Non US customers will have to bear expensive shipping cost and import duty
• Not suitable for long wear if you have heavy flow (heck, even if your flow is pretty light, you ain't supposed to wear it all day anyway)
• Prolonged wear (ie: wearing them for a long time without changing) can make your Thinx reeked
• Not suitable for tumble drying
• Rinsing the underwear can be troublesome for some
• It's really hard to tell if it's 'due for changing'

My THINX tips:

• #knowyourflow
• Treat it like you would with pads, tampons or cups
• If you want to sleep in it, line your bed with a towel or kain batik
• Be extra careful on your heavy days
• Do not exceed 8 hours of wearing

My favourite: Hiphugger, Boyshort & Sport

Just nak clarify

Sambungan kepada cerita semalam. Moral of the story is that kalau orang tanya soalan yang kau rasa pelik, jangan cepat melatah. Tak semestinya niat orang tu adalah offensive dan sengaja nak malukan kita.

However...

Ada certain isu yang memang terang lagi bersuluh offensive dan patut dibetulkan. Contohnya:

• Menuduh orang berkulit gelap  & beragama Islam sebagai pengganas
• Menggelar orang asal Afrika menggunakan "N-word" & menggelar orang India menggunakan "keling"
• Menuduh orang yang mempunyai adat dan budaya berlainan sebagai kolot
• Berkata bahawa makanan dari kaum tertentu sebagai jijik
• Cubaan untuk menanggalkan tudung/niqab pada tubuh wanita
• Asking someone who has dreadlocks or cornrows if you can touch their hair
• Catcalling & sexual harassment 
• Tanya "Are those bombs?"
• Rape
• Domestic violence
• Chopsticks on EVERY Asian food (like seriously nasi goreng pun kau nak guna chopsticks, apa kes?)
• Brutalities against unarmed civilians
• Offensive stereotypes like Melayu malas, Africans penyangak, etc
• Cultural appropriation

The list is not exhaustive. There are plenty of issues that are legitimately offensive to certain groups of people. Tak sure dan ingin tahu? Boleh tanya directly kepada orang-orang yang bersesuaian. If you want to know about dreads and cornrows, ask people of the African descent. If you want to ask anything about the Indian culture, ask Indians. If you want to know about Islam and Muslims, ask Muslims. Juga harus diingat walaupun sebangsa dan seagama, tidak bermakna mereka mempunyai lifestyle yang sama. The lifestyle of British Indians are different from the American Indians, Indians who live in India and Indians who live in Malaysia. The same thing goes to African Americans and British Blacks. Heck, even the lifestyle of a Malaysian Muslim is different from an American Muslim, British Muslim, Chinese Muslim and an Arab Muslim. Masing-masing ada lifestyle masing-masing. For example, Japanese American and local Japanese have different reactions to Katy Perry wearing a kimono. Local Japanese felt that Katy Perry was appreciating their culture while Japanese Americans felt that Katy Perry was appropriating their culture. I understand both sides actually. Japanese Americans were forced to assimilate into the American culture and when they want to embrace their culture, they are deemed as backwards and refusing to be American but when Katy Perry did that, it was celebrated. Nampak lah logik dia "Kimono tu pakaian aku. Aku pakai, kau kata aku kolot tapi Katy Perry pakai kata cantik pulak. Apa kes?" While local Japanese suka pasal they felt that their culture dah sampai ke dunia luar. Bagi aku, mungkin locals berpendapat bila orang lain pakai pakaian diorang and makan makanan diorang, itu menunjukkan bahawa orang tu cuba belajar pasal budaya. Wishful thinking sebab most Westerners pakai just nak nampak hip dan stylo je.

And also, expectations locals. As a Malaysian, kalau foreigners datang, memang aku expect diorang untuk cuba makanan Malaysia, pakai pakaian Malaysia (tak kisah cheongsam ke, sari ke, baju kurung ke). Asalkan kau appreciate dan hormati budaya kami dan bukan sengaja mahu mengaut keuntungan at the expense of certain ethnic groups.

Anyway, despite me saying that each people have different lifestyle, they are still who they are. Not matter who they are, African Americans and British Blacks STILL face discrimination in the country of their domicile. American Indians, British Indians and Malaysian Indians are STILL minorities in the country of their domicile. Basically, walaupun lifestyle berlainan, don't forget that there are some similarities with each other.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that we have to understand each other. If someone is offended about something, try to understand why. If someone is not offended about something, try to understand why also. Don't simply label people as 'sensitive snowflake' or 'too stupid to see' or 'naive'. Basically, we as citizens of the world should be nicer to each other and understand each other better. While we're at it, we must learn how to pick and choose our battles. Jangan nak main redah semua sampai kawan kita punya battle pun kita nak ambik sekali. No way! Jangan camtu, dong! Show your concern but at the same time, realise that if it's their own batle, let them choose.

B adalah aku

Sebagai seorang rakyat Malaysia yang samada belajar atau bekerja di luar negara, patut ke kita rasa tersinggung dan terkilan bila orang asing tanya kita:

1. Is it true that Malaysians have a feast (eat heavy stuff like rice, noodles, roti canai and condiments, etc) for breakfast? and
2. Is it also true that we eat curries for breakfast?

Basically, it is offensive? If you don't think it's offensive, should you be offended? If you don't think it's offensive and you think you shouldn't be, should other people be offended? Pendek kata A tanya B soalan, C terasa.

A: British-Indian

B: Malaysian-Malay

C: American-Indian

D: British-Indian

Honestly, bila ada orang tanya soalan ni, it feels weird to me. Sebab si penanya tu mempunyai adat dan budaya yang serupa dengan kebanyakan penduduk negara Malaysia. Basically, yang tanya tu British-Indian and since him being a British Indian, shouldn't he like, can relate and tak patut terkejut? 

Tapi itu bukan isunya. Isu yang ditekankan adalah A tanya B soalan berkaitan dengan negara, adat dan budaya B, B rasa okay je tapi C (yang sebangsa dengan A tapi bukan senegara dengan A dan langsung bukan senegara dan sebangsa dengan B) yang mendengar tu rasa tersinggung dan berpendapat A sengaja mahu memalukan B. Ingin dimaklumkan bahawa B dan C adalah kawan baik. A merupakan kawan baik kepada kawan B iaitu D. Ingin juga dimaklumkan C tidak pernah mengenali A dan B cuma sekadar mahu bercerita kepada C.

Cerita dia camni:

I was attending D's birthday party two weeks ago and met A. So when A found out I'm from Malaysia, asked me those two questions. So yeah. I was weirded out at first since A is a British Indian and like, fam don't you guys do those too? He told me that he had a friend from Malaysia who told him that. Dalam hati, mungkin family dia tak amalkan. So, aku terangkan lah secara slow talk yang secara amnya, memang betul tapi bukan semua yang buat. Bergantung kepada keluarga masing-masing. Ada yang breakfast makan nasi lemak, nasi goreng, nasi dagang, roti canai, bubur nasi dan juga mi (noodles). Ada yang prefer Western-style macam telur, roti, cereal, susu, buah dan lain-lain. A, being an Indian felt it was something cool to eat what he had for dinner as breakfast. I told him to give it a try. Dia pun tanya pasal nasi lemak. So, jawab lah nasi lemak ni macam bboy moves, dia banyak variation tapi asas dia ialah nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, telur rebus dan sambal. Boleh tambah ikan bilis goreng, ayam goreng, sambal ikan bilis, sambal sotong, kacang, rendang ayam, rendang daging dan juga kari. Tapi asas still nasi yang dimasak dengan santan, sambal dan telur rebus. For me, selain dari rasa pelik, aku tak terasa pun bila dia tanya sebab dari intonasi dan gerak badan A, dia memang sahaja bertanya kerana mungkin kawan dia tu tipu dia (logik sebab bila orang tu rasa soalan tu racist, rasa macam nak menipu je) dan mungkin dia juga betul-betul ingin tahu memandangkan me, in country called Malaysia born and raised.

Maybe it's different if A tu tanya dengan nada menyindir and lepas aku jawab, dia ketawakan aku and said that my culture is backwards. But that's not the situation, A was between speechless dan "kenapa aku tak try awal-awal dowh!" Basically, reaction dia is what you can expect tourists who come to Malaysia for the first time and culture shock, in a positive way. Come on lah, aku pun tertanya-tanya jugak betul ke apa yang diportray kat media tu sama dengan reality. For example, is it true that all Brits are polite and drink tea all day? Answer, not necessarily. They are just like us, ada yang polite and ada yang tak seberapa. Walaupun majority suka minum teh tapi ada yang prefer kopi, hot chocolate atau juice.

What happened is this: Time breakfast tengah sedap-sedap makan bubur berlauk 3 hari berturut. Hari ni baru perasan, "Wow, I DID have a feast for breakfast! Looool!!!!!" And kadang-kadang aku pun suka panaskan kari semalam untuk breakfast and cicah dengan roti. Sedap, okay! So ingat nak call member iaitu C just to tell a joke, as in my sudden moment of realisation that I just had a super nice delicious feast for breakfast. Knowing me, aku bercerita confirm ada muqadimah. So cerita lah dulu pasal A. Aku rasa C tersinggung dan terasa. Dia juga menasihati aku supaya berhati-hati dengan orang dan berpendapat A adalah bodoh dan ignorant. Dia juga menasihati aku that people are going to bring me down (am I surprised that it's gonna happen? No. For the record, I give that advice to myself in my sleep) with their stupidity and I need to rise above it. It's a good advice tapi tak sesuai. Sebab kau bukan kat sana so kau tak dengar dan kau tak nampak. Kau tak kenal dia. Just because bagi kau, aku ni sweet dan innocent, kau ingat aku defenseless. I know okay. I know. Aku tau bila orang tu being offensive ke tak. Cuma tolong bagi aku buat decision aku sendiri on how aku nak react. Aku boleh je nak tampar muka mamat tu. Aku boleh je marah actually. But I choose not to.

But then again, mungkin salah aku sebab mula dengan muqadimah. Patut terjah je dengan lawak (hambar) aku tu. Tapi takut mereka nggak bisa faham, dong. Even kau nak doa kat Tuhan pun, bukan kau terjah je. Mestilah baca bismillah dulu. Tapi maybe salah aku lah yang aku tak dapat bagitau joke aku. Sebab start dengan muqadimah. Aku tak tau if the question was posed to an immigrant instead of a local, it would be super offended. But there's a fine line between what's offensive and what's not offensive, no? There is. But here's the thing, don't I have the right to choose how to react (when it only concerns me)? Do I have the right to choose if it's offensive or not (when it only concerns me)? She means well but I feel like dia secara tak sengaja termissed the point. Aku tak sure. Mungkin aku salah. Mungkin I should be offended with the question sama macam aku offended gila babi bila D bagitau aku yang bus driver tanya dia "Those aren't bombs right?" bila dia tolong aku pindah barang. In all honesty, D patut jawab dalam kotak tu ada belacan sebab a) sebab dalam kotak tu memang ada belacan b) mengangkat kotak berisi belacan (walaupun belacan tu tinggal sikit) adalah dope. Tapi D tak tau belacan tu apa, kita lupakan dulu. 

Sebenarnya, aku rasa C tu cepat sangat nak melatah. Sebab aku okay je dengan soalan A tapi dia touching melebih. Kau pehal? Steady lah, jane. Macam kawan kau tu. Dia flamboyant gila sampai orang ingat dia nak pergi fashion show. Style dia pelik. Memang pelik. Kadang-kadang tak kena gaya. Bagi kau, orang yang "puji" pakaian dia tu sebenarnya menyindir dia dan kau kesian pasal kawan kau tu terima bulat-bulat "pujian" tersebut. Okay, kawan kau mungkin naive tapi dia tak bodoh. Mungkin dia tau tapi malas nak layan so dia macam "takpelah john. Aku anggap kau puji je." Why would he crack his head over a bunch of random strangers commenting about his fashion sense? Plus, kawan kau banyak benda nak fikir. Takkan benda kecik macam ni pun nak kena fikir jugak? Kalau dia kena catcall tu lain. Yang tu memang kena take action. Berdasarkan perspektif seorang stranger, aku tak ada masa nak menyindir a random stranger unless either I get paid or it's my hobby or I'm just a pathetic loser who doesn't know how to dress up. Which he might think the person who "complimented" his outfit falls under category 3 cause he thinks he's awesome. Memang dia awesome pun walaupun aku rasa di annoying gila nak mampus. And since we're in London, mungkin orang tu mabuk so daripada kawan kau tu offended tiba-tiba dia kesian. Just because orang tu nampak naive, innocent, young and sweet tak bermakna dalaman dia macam tu and tak semestinya 24/7 dia macam tu. Dia ada masa sweet, ada masa dia menaga. And orang-orang macam tu, jangan buat dia menaga. Habis kau nanti.

Kenapa aku tak bersuara? Aku bersuara pun. Aku cakap A tidak bermaksud apa-apa yang offensive. A cuma ingin tahu. Tapi dia went on cakap orang bodoh akan jatuhkan aku dengan kebodohan diorang. Eh, girl! Dia tu bodoh tu dia punya pasal, bukan masalah aku bukan masalah kau. Kau boleh tak focus yang kawan kau ni jenis tak ambil pusing apa orang nak kata? Kadang-kadang aku rasa baik untuk tidak bersuara. First, C tu lagi berumur dan lebih berpengalaman dari aku so confirm opinions aku akan dibangkang sebab aku muda lagi dan belum mengenal dunia sebenar. Second, aku bersuara pun dia akan anggap aku degil so baik diam je. Third, aku bagi savage remarks pun kau akan ketawa dan anggap aku punya remarks adalah comel. So yeah. Aku kena menghormati C yang lagi tua dan lagi berpengalaman dan aku patut terima semua pendapat dia. Dia touching melebih so aku kena touching melebih jugak. Walaupun aku rasa certain things are not offensive, aku kena anggap benda tu offensive. Why? Older and wiser people are always right. Orang muda tak akan pernah tahu apa-apa.

Rant alert

I’ve been keeping this in my chest for quite awhile. Now I’m just going to let it out.

What is your problem that you need to have each and every opinion about my life and other people’s? Is your life that boring that you have to comment of others? Are you that well-versed in life that you need to impart your ‘knowledge’ even though no one ask? Just because you’re older and wiser, you think you have the rights to tell people who lead totally different life from you.

You expect guys who are younger than you (10 years younger that is and just got a job in a fresh grad position) to live independently and when he wanted to move back in to his parents’ house, you demonise him? He’s working in London and his parents are in London (zone 6). For him to stay in central London, not only is uneconomical but stupid. Family duduk London tapi bantai nak move out kat London jugak! Tak ke membazir duit? Central London bukannya murah! Duit yang dia guna untuk sewa rumah tu boleh save guna BELI rumah. Bukan kat zone 1, zone 5, zone 6 tu dah kira bagus pasal still in London. Nak demonise dia buat apa? Pasal dia tak independent pasal nak duduk bawah ketiak mak bapak? Come on lah! Fikir jauh sikit boleh tak? Mungkin dia duduk rumah parents bukan pasal nak bermanja-manja. Mungkin dia nak save duit untuk beli rumah. Bila dah kawin, tak main nak sewa-sewa ni, of course nak beli rumah. Plus, kau kata dia dulu sewa dengan flatmates. Mana lah tau flatmates dia macam taik? Lepas tu time dating, you expect him to pay for dinner. Okay lah, I’ll consider that if you’re meeting for drinks, you’ll pay. Come on lah, kau ada duit, dia ada duit, tak boleh tolong sikit-sikit ke? Tak payah lah bayar the whole bill. Kau bayar untuk dia, dia bayar untuk kau, settle. Sebenarnya, sebagai seorang feminist egalitarian, aku tak sangat tak suka dating etiquette sebab dia outdated. Semua benda laki kena buat. Lelaki kena harung onak duri untuk dapatkan the girl. Bullshit! Zaman dulu memang lah logik pasal perempuan tak kerja. Skang ni, wanita dah ada kerja, pegang duit sendiri, dah ada property sendiri. Not that women don’t have expectations when it comes to dating, we do. Don’t be yourself, don’t eat too much, don’t show that you’re interested, blablabla. Pendek kata, semua ada expectations tapi lain: lelaki punya expectation ialah ‘buat’ manakala perempuan punya ialah ‘jangan buat’. Stress okay.

Expectation yang kau letak kat laki umur lewat 30-an hingga 40-an tu kau tak boleh letak kat laki umur 20-an hingga awal 30-an. Time tu diorang belum stabil lagi. Gaji cukup untuk support diri je. Sekali-sekala boleh lah splurge sikit-sikit. Time tu baru mula kerja. Jangan expect gaji GBP10,000 sebulan. Kalau gaji GBP2,000 tu dah kira bersyukur lah tu. So dah tau mamat tu baru start kerja, tak payah lah nak mintak lebih-lebih.

And, apa masalah kau kat budak-budak undergrad yang parents tanggung? Siap cakap “diorang ni parents tanggung. Setiap bulan belanja GBP4,000 untuk alcohol.” Macam lah kau tak buat! Cuma beza dia, budak-budak tu guna duit mak bapak, kau guna duit orang bayar cukai. Of course, kau kena bayar balik but still, guna duit orang lain jugak. Lepas tu mengomen pasal kawan yang duduk student accommodation mahal sebab parents dia kaya parents dia tanggung. Apa masalah kau sebenarnya? Kau dah ada kerja stabil, pegang jawatan tinggi tapi kenapa bitter kat budak-budak yang masih dalam tanggungan parents diorang? Habis aku? Aku pun parents tanggung tapi kau macam, ‘kau takpe.’ Okay, pelik tapi whatever.

And apa maksud istilah ‘proper date’? Perlu ke dia menapak ke rumah aku dan ambik aku? Perlu ke dia cakap itu adalah date? Does he have to give me flowers? Does he have to walk on fire? Apa masalah kau bila aku dengan mamat AK tu setakat keluar hang out? We are friends and I just want to be friends with him first. Aku tau kau takut mamat tu main-main je. Here’s the thing: mamat tu biar aku risaukan untuk kau, aku tak tau mamat tu suka aku ke tak, aku memang nak kawan dulu and aku baru kenal dia berapa bulan je. Bagi aku tak cukup untuk take it to the next step. Parents aku kawan dulu selama setahun baru start dating. Plan aku ialah enjoy each other’s company while we can cause I’m leaving in September. You told me not to make myself too available. Bila, girl? Time dia free kebetulan aku pun free. Aku bukannya selalu keluar dengan dia pun. Dia free, aku keluar lah. And fikir lah sikit, yang jadual ketat tu dia, bukan aku. So yang perlu give and take adalah aku. Takut he’s stringing me along? No! We both know we’re going out as friends. We know it’s based on friendship. I want to take it slow. Nobody is wasting anybody’s time. You are wasting your time with some mofos that you met in dating sites. To be totally honest, kalau mulut aku macam kau, aku lagi hentam mamat-mamat tu kaw-kaw punya. I know that he’s going to be in London his whole life and I’m going to be back in Malaysia. Sayang-sayang pun aku tetap nak balik. You think I’m going to meet better guys? Yeah, maybe. Too bad I’m not interested. So, I don’t think I’m wasting my time on him.

Aku pun dulu percaya jugak advice yang kau bagi (tapi bukan kau bagi tapi orang lain). Siap baca dan ambik advice dari Thought Catalog bulat-bulat. “I value myself, that’s why I refuse to hang out but insist you ask me out on a proper date.” Tulah sebab dulu aku hampir jadi psycho. Demand sana, demand sini. Jadi selfish buta. Pasal kau aku fikir tak tentu pasal. Pasal kau lah aku asyik sangak buruk kat orang. Semua pasal kau!!! Bukan pasal mamat tu.

Don't show off your good life?

Even though I can see the point of why we should not show off our good life because someone out there are suffering, I disagree.

Why?

I'm struggling to find a spouse but I love seeing pictures of my friends getting married because it helps me to reassure myself that getting married ain't bad despite being super scared about it at the same time. (Plus, I get to "borrow" your ideas. #SisOpportunist )

I love it when my friends post their pregnancy pictures. It means that they're one step closer to become parents.

I love it when my friends post pictures of their purchases. They work hard and I think they deserve to treat themselves in any way they want. I can't afford it? No problem. I'll find something else that I can afford.

I love it when my friends posted pictures of the meals that they have. Doesn't matter that they're lavish or not. It shows them that they are able to feed themselves.

I like to see all those posts. I like to see people who seem to do better than I do. Why? If I care a lot about the person and I see that they do well while I'm still trying to figure things out, I'll go, "At least this person is doing okay." One less problem for me to worry about.

Whenever I feel sad, I actually like viewing those kind of posts. They make me smile and feel good. They make me feel that my problems are temporary and they can be settled. I feel more energized and inspired. I don't need people to tell me that there are more people out there who had it worse than me. It just gonna make me feel guilty and less likely to solve anything. Want me to be more appreciative, list down my strengths and privileges. Or, just say, "You actually can handle things pretty well."

While it's good to be considerate about other people who are struggling, please also consider the fact that your posts might make a person smile. The world is cruel, especially now. It's sadistic, crazy, backstabbing and bloodthirsty. I am a misanthropic bitch and I constantly fear for my life. While I know that there are good people out there, I constantly need reminders that despite all the shit happening in this world, at least the people I know are doing fine. So I can suck it up and relax. See, this is the foolproof way to make me suck it up; by letting me know you're doing fine so I can suck it up and not ruin your parade.

Thanks.

Kau rasa bagus ke?

Kau ambil gambar seorang gadis yang rambutnnya terkeluar dari tudungnya
Kau siarkan gambar tersebut dan lemparkan cacian kepadanya
Rakan-rakan kau turut serta dan turut membesarkan isu ini
Rakan-rakan kau pula puji kau seolah-olah kau si adiwira dalam novel

Kau ambil gambar jejaka yang mempunyai ukiran di belakangnya
Kau sebarkannya ke pengikut kau
Mereka turut serta menyerangnya
Mereka memuji kau seolah-olah kau telah berkhidmat kepada masyarakat

Kau nampak gambar bayi bermata satu
Kau sebarkan kepada semua orang
Mereka turut serta mengutuknya dan memanggilnya Dajjal
Mereka bertanya adakah dunia akan kiamat

Aku cuma mahu bertanya satu soalan
Mungkin empat
Mungkin ada lagi

Bila kau buat ni, kau rasa bagus ke?
Bila kau buat ni, kau lebih baik daripada semua?
Bila kau buat ni, rakan-rakan kau ingat kau bijak?
Bila kau buat ni, kau manusia baik ke?

Kau rasa bijak sekarang, mohon jawab
Kau mahu serang aku dan rendahkan aku?
Kau rasa perlu untuk kau dedahkan kelemahan aku?
Kerana aku rasa kau sudah melampau.

Respect

People say respect must be earned. It's true.
People say that the younger generations must respect the older generation, that is true as well.

However respect is a two-way thing. I don't believe the crap that the elders must be respected and the youngs must be loved. No, bitch! That ain't how I jive. Both generations must love and respect each other. How do you expect the younger generation to respect the elders when the elders fail to show respect to the youngs as well?

Yes, the young ones must show respect first but the elders must show it later as well.
Stop treating the young ones like kids cause they will never grow up if you do.

But that's not really what I want to talk about. I want to talk about respecting one's opinions and choices.

Respect the opinions of the person even though you don't agree with them.
As long as their opinions do not condone any violence or insult anything or disrupt peace on earth, just let it slide.
You can choose not to believe in peaceful rally or demonstration but respect the ones who believe in it.
If you disagree, do it in an academic way, ie: give reasons on why you don't think the way they do.
Don't go around making personal attacks on them. That's just juvenile.

Respect the boundaries that people set for themselves.
Allow them to stand their grounds when it matters to them.
If a girl refused to go out with you for certain reasons, listen to her explanation.
Don't just beg her until she relents.

Respect the person's choices as long as they're not detrimental.
If they choose to seek professional help, don't talk them out of it.
They might sense something might be wrong in them.
If they choose to wear a colour that they're comfortable with, let them.
You're not shoes. Why the hell should you run their life?

Respect the person's words and listen to them fully.
Don't just jump into conclusions without the full details.
Respect the reasons behind their words.
Respect the tears that they shed and the laugh that they burst.

Respect every yes you get. Respect every no and maybe you get as well.
Don't go on begging and begging until you lose it all.

Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan adab jika kamu sendiri biadap
Usah mengadu gadis hilang kehormatan jika kamu sendiri tidak hormati mereka
Usah mengadu anak muda kehilangan harga diri jika kamu sendiri yang merendahkan mereka
Usah mengadu gadis asyik termakan pujuk rayu lelaki jika kamu sendiri yang memujuk rayu
Usah mengadu yang si tua tidak peduli jika kamu sendiri tidak pedulikan mereka
Usah mengadu dia melawan jika kamu sendiri yang menggari tangannya
Usah mengadu mereka tidak pandai jika kamu sendiri mengajar benda yang salah
Usah mengadu bila mereka diam jika kamu sendiri yang kunci mulut mereka
Usah mengadu orang lain tidak ada agama jika kamu sendiri tidak berperikemanusiaan

Dalam erti kata lain mengata dulang paku serpih, mengata orang dia yang lebih
Dalam erti kata lain usah gelar cerek itu hitam jika kamu sendiri adalah kuali dan arang
Dalam erti kata lain cermin diri dahulu sebelum menghakimi orang lain
Dalam erti kata lain benarkan mereka hidup dengan kehidupan mereka dan pilihan mereka.